Episode 1
Yesterday I was resting when I heard a knock on my door.
I went for the door only to find a pregnant lady and an elderly woman I presumed to be her mother.
With them was a less than 2 years old little girl.
“Good evening sir,” the pregnant lady greeted.
“Good evening. Please sit down.” I offered them seats.
“Thank you my son,” the elderly woman greeted.
“You’re welcome. How may I help you?”
“We are looking for one Mr. Alphonsus. He lives in this compound.”
“Mr. Alphonsus? There is no one that goes by that name here. Are you sure you are in the right compound?”
“He’s huge, tall, dark and has big palms and feet,” the pregnant lady described.
Immediately she mentioned “big palms”, my mind went to Ugly Uncle.
I remembered receiving slaps from those palms the day I went to watch Arsenal match in his apartment.
But I never knew his name is Alphonsus.
“But he has a wife and kids,” I muttered.
“No problem. Just show us his apartment.”
I showed them and they thanked me as the left for his apartment.
As an observer from EU, I positioned well to be sure it was not what I was thinking.
After few knocks, Ugly Uncle answered the door and the surprise on his face gave him out.
He tried to lure them outside the compound but he could not.
“So this is where you are hiding. You think you can actually hide from me?” the pregnant lady fired.
“Shhhhhh! Lower your voice. My wife is around.”
When I heard that, I took my nail cutter and positioned myself conspicuously well at where I could have a better view and began to trim my nails.
Ugly Uncle turned to my direction and I greeted him but he did not respond.
That was not my business sha.
“I should lower my voice? God go punish you. Alphonsus I say God go punish you. So you have suddenly remembered you have a wife. Tell me, what am I? A maid?” the pregnant lady fired again.
“I don’t like this. You’re embarrassing me, people are watching us. What is your problem? Are you the first to be pregnant?”
That was it. He spoiled the show. He should not have said that.
The lady could no longer contend the frustration. So she gathered all the strength she had, mixed it with the stress and anger she underwent in taking care of herself and the baby, then released a thunderous missile (slap) on his face – tawaiiiiii.
I think the lady must have served in the Nigerian Army before. If not, how come she knew how to slap like that?
“How dare you insult me like that? Do you have any idea about the embarrassment and emotional torture you subjected me to? Do you know what I have been through ever since you ran away from us in Bayelsa? I had to take care of your baby and this pregnancy all by myself. And you have the effrontery to stand here and tell me I am embarrassing you? If you are man enough, repeat that nonsense and see me go mad for you,” the lady said in tears.
There is something about pregnant women – they are very powerful and you dare not attempt fighting them.
Ugly Uncle stood affixed holding his face.
Finally, Ugly Uncle has met his match.
As they were exchanging words, his wife emerged from the backyard having heard the sound of the slap.
© Ezekiel Umoren
#ezekstories
