CHAPTER 8
Ngozi narrates her own side of the story
Everything was going smoothly between Anayo and I. Whenever we went out on dates I felt like the most important girl in the world. I felt I like the luckiest girl. I was determined to have him all to myself, we were still having s*x, and our parents did not know it. We acted like couple outside our home and vicinity and I was sure other girls envied me from the way they stared at me whenever we were out in public. It hurt me when it crossed my mind that I was never going to marry Anayo. The thought of watching him saying “Yes I do” to another girl hurt me the most; I had to use the opportunity I had to the best of my advantage.
I was returning from lecture that fateful day, it was a Friday afternoon, I took my time to select the dress I found to be sexiest at the boutique. I changed into the dress in the boutique and I went home hoping to surprise Anayo with it, only for me to get home and met the unthinkable. I met my brother and his girlfriend Ifunaya whom I thought he broke up with having s*x right in the sitting. At first,I thought I was daydreaming, I rubbed my palms against myeyes, but nothing changed. It dawned on me that I had been fooled thinking that Anayo broke up with Ifunaya. I felt betrayed and a coward. I also felt foolish for giving him my body. Slowly the purse, which hung on my shoulder with the aid of a chain, fell off my shoulder. To me, they were going to stop when they become aware of my presence but theydid not and that hurt me the more. I stood there for a minute watching Ifunaya as she rode on Anayo. I ran out of the house as fast as my feet could carry me. There was only one thought on my mind, and it was suicide, I had been hurt deeply. Icould not take it. I ran as fast as I could to the bridge at the high way. Idid not know how to swim, that was the best way for me to kill myself without saving myself, and I was sure no one would be there at time of the day.
I looked at the water below the bridge and the current was high. It sent shivers down my spine, but I was determined to kill myself. “Lord have mercy,” I prayed as I threw myself from the bridge to the river. “Jesus!” I screamed as I realized what I had done. I became afraid to die, the thought of hell scared me the most, and I knew God would not take it easy on me when I stand before him in judgment. I definitely would be punished more for taking the life I did not create. I felt bad about myself. I wish God could send his angel to rescue me, I will never think of suicide again. I was ready to follow God strictly and keep to his words should he save me. I had thought it was easy for one to take one’s life, I had heard stories of people committing suicide, and I thought it was easy. I never knew it was difficult and scary. I wishI had never made the decision of committing suicide.
Everything was happening so slow, I heard the wailing of passers-by and the honking of vehicles. I closed my eyes as I landed into the water and I prayed “God if you would not save me, forgive me and grant me admittance into your kingdom;”I began to cry and asked God to forgive me, at that point my heart was really open to God. I went down to the river and came up again but I could not swim nor breathe. I heard the passers-by shouting again, shouting I was dead and others saying why a beautiful girl such as me would take such a decision, by then I was already close to death. A young woman who had seen me jumping from the bridge from me afar ran as fast as she could and came to my rescue. While I closed my eyes waiting for the spirit of death to take me,I noticed someone pulled me from the tip of my gown. When I was drawn out of the water,I said, “Thank you” to the young woman and I passed out.
