THE LIE 11
My father used to say “Soldier go soldier come, barracks still remain”. I’m back home to continue from where we stopped. Ify just dey vex for me. Na so she just dey para. “Ugo come and perform ur husbandly duty o” she said. “baby I’m trying. But this ur own no too much?? Do u want to kill me?” I said.
“u are the one that that used to say it’s important in marriage” she said. “eh, I know but too much of everything is bad” I said. She disturb me so much that I just had to comply. Na so we enter room, con start work… I knack this woman up, down, left, right, middle. I gave her d***y style, chicken style, even elephant style.. in fact all the styles until I tire, still e no do her. She just keeps telling me baby just one more, that her one more no dey ever finish. I had to use my brain again o, Na so I pretend as if I faint. She shake me, I no move. She checked if I was still breathing and of cos I was. So she went to get water. She sprinkled water on me, I no gree wake up. To worsen the case I seized my breath when she wanted checking my heart beat again. Na so she start dey cry
“obim wake up biko! I have killed my husband oh. What will I tell my people if they ask me what killed him” So Ify believes that I’m died. Of cos u will tell them that u killed him with knack. Tufiyakwa! knack can never kill me. Let me listen to her. See the way she’s crying bitterly. “baby pls wake up o, If u leave me who will I talk to? who will i play and jist with? who will I be preparing ofe nsala (white soup) for..?” Ofe nsala is my favorite soup and she knows how to cook it. I’m still listening to her. “who will be complimenting my looks? who will be giving me sweet sweet massage…” did she just mention massage? chai! Ify…! So she likes massage and anytime I say let me do it for her she’ll be saying is not her thing. Fear women oh, when the say no, they actually mean yes sometimes. I’m still listening to her. “obim pls don’t die on me o. I don’t want to do again pls wake up! I can’t live this life without u, I want to die with u…
” So Ify loves me like this. I feel like getting up, hug her and kiss her but mba! I have to keep to the plan, I can’t risk it. Well, let me just get up b4 I give her high bp. I stood up, she started saying thank u Jesus, waving her hands to heaven. “baby u scared me, I thought u are gone” she said. “U thought I was gone? So that’s what u want. U want to kill me” I said. “No. baby I’m sorry”. I didn’t listen to her, I just carried the blanket and pillow straight to the sitting room to sleep. She followed me. “baby I’m sorry naw, I’m sorry” she pleaded. Ify just leave me alone pls” I said.
“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again” she said. “okay I’ve heard u but this is where I want to sleep tonight” I insisted. She tried to convince me to go back to the room but I no gree. “Ify just go and sleep I’m fine”. I said. “Are u sure?” she asked. “yes I’m sure just go” I replied. “I love u” she said. “I love u too….. but go and sleep” I responded.
Ever since that day my wife has cooled down. Hai!
To be continued..
