Episode 19
Prince began tapping my shoulder…
Prince: Come, you dey here abi na your ghost?
Me: Oga free me abeg…
Prince: Na beer abi na wine?
Me: Bros no money, make we down beer abeg…
Prince told the bar attendant what we were going to take…
Me: Bros, help me reason this matter na… Wetin I go do?
Prince: You need a break…
Me: :-\ Break as in?
Prince: You’ve watched 40days and 40nights, right?
Me: Ehen… :-\
Prince: Yeah, something like that… But let’s make your own 30days and 30nights…
Me: I no understand… :-\
Prince: No straffing for you for 30days and 30nights!
Me: You dey mad, shey…
Prince: I know wetin I dey talk… E be like say na your mamba dey control you, no be you dey control am… So if you fit do am, you go get control over your mamba and you go fit survive daring situations…
**This guy is making sense o…**
We began taking our drinks…
Me: Bros, this thing go hard o…
Prince: If you can stay without straffing for one month, I’ll give you my alawee for this month…
Me: ๐ฎ Huh! Serious?
Prince: Yeah… But if you straff, you’d give me your alawee…
Me: You dey mad!
Prince: Wetin dey worry you? If you no straff for 30days, you go die? I dey help your life here…
Me: Ok, deal…
Prince: If you straff, even if na just 1 chook, you go give me your alawee o…
Me: I don hear na…
As we were still talking, Rejoice called me and told me she wanted to come and spend the night. I refused!
**Oh Lord, do not lead me into temptation**
**No straffing mode activated!**
So the previous day, I accepted Prince’s deal not to straff for 30days. ‘Extra alawee this month for me’, I thought, ‘after all I wasn’t expecting any money from tutorials this month.’
After work, I went to Malama Aisha’s place, but no one was around. I was told both of them traveled.
**Again? Well, good riddance to bad rubbish!**
Zainab was not in town, MA and SM traveled. Rejoice? I can handle her. I guess it was going to be easy for me not to straff after all.
It rained that evening. Everywhere was cold. My mamba was already back from vacation. It needed some action.
**No straffing, remember? Oh shiiiit!**
Rejoice sent me a message on whatsapp.
Rejoice: Hi…
Me: How you doing?
Rejoice: I’m fine… But…
Me: But what?
Rejoice: Sandra is not around…
Me: As usual…
Rejoice: And I’m cold ‘cos of the rain that fell… Should I come over?
** ๐ฎ See me see devil o… Tell the person wey send you say I no dey**
Me: You know what you’ll do?
Rejoice: What?
Me: Just take a blanket and cover yourself with the blood of Jesus…
Rejoice: What’s that supposed to mean?
Me: I’m fasting abeg…
Rejoice: Ok no wahala… Goodnight.
Me: Goodnight.
That weekend, I went for service. The sermon being preached that day was about the negative effects (both spiritual and physical) of fornication and adultery.
You know that feeling you get when a sermon is going on and all the bad things being talked about are things you do and it appears the pastor is talking to you directly? Yeah, I felt exactly that way that sunday.
** ๐ฎ Chisos, hot piss dey catch me!**
I felt the pastor had seen through my life and was giving me a warning directly.
**Lord, please forgive my sins!**
I was determined in my heart to live up to the deal Prince and I struck. No straffing for 30days. At least if I could do it for the first 30days, I could try another 30days, and another 30days, and yet another 30days till I get married.
**I wished!!**
Due to all the things I was hearing during service that day, I was feeling very guilty. I felt pressed. I needed to ease myself.
I got up and went to the toilet to urinate. I pulled down my fly and brought out my mamba to begin the process (as usual). This time around though, the urine refused to obey natural laws. It refused to come out.
** ๐ฎ Ah an, which kind level come be this one na???**
I tried forcing it out, like a pregnant woman stimulating childbirth. It began trickling out with so much pain.
** ๐ฎ Chisos!!! HIV! Gonorrhea!! Syphilis!! Which one I don carry???**
I was alone in the toilet. Tears were dropping down my eyes. I felt like screaming due to the pain I was experiencing, but I could not ‘cos I knew everyone would have heard me.
** ๐ฎ God, what would I do???**
I couldn’t complete the process. I had to send the rest of the urine back to where it came from. The pain was too much to bear.
I didn’t wait for service to be over before I left. A sister noticed I was leaving and she tried asking me what was wrong. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what was really wrong with me. I told her I wasn’t feeling too fine and I wanted to go and rest at home.
**Na lie o…**
On my way home, I wondered what was wrong with me.
**God, I pray it’s not HIV o**
I got home and felt very thirsty. I couldn’t bring myself to drink water ‘cos I knew the consequences.
I couldn’t do or think about anything else. I needed an explanation or a solution. I just had to visit the hospital…..
On my way to the hospital, I kept praying ‘Oh Lord, let this just be a minor issue, I promise to serve you with all my heart.’
So many thoughts were running through my head. ‘What if I’ve been infected???’ ‘Na die I go just die so??? ‘What kind of life am I even living???’ ‘I need to stop this!’
I got to the hospital, and after the usual delay associated with government owned hospitals, I was finally ushered into the doctor’s office.
**:o Chisos!**
This was a fortunate and unfortunate situation. Fortunate because the doctor was a very pretty lady. Jeez, this woman fine die! If I didn’t see a ring on her finger, I would have married her. Unfortunate, because I had to discuss my ‘mambic’ issues with her.
**How I wan take do this one pass now???**
After looking at a file for some seconds, she spoke up…
Doctor: So Mr Dioxidane, what exactly is wrong with you?
Me: Uhhm, I’m kinda having issues passing urine…
Doctor: Go on…
**Which one be go on again??? Hia!**
Me: If I try urinating, it’s so painful…
Doctor: It’s as if your pe*nis is burning you, right?
Me: Exactly…
Doctor: Did you notice any discharge from your pe*nis while urinating?
Me: Uhhmmm, I was not really thinking straight then, but it’s like something thick came out…
Doctor: What was the colour?
Me: It was just like urine, but thicker…
Doctor: Oh… Mr Dioxidane, how many sexual partners do you have?
Me: ๐ฎ Huh?
Doctor: Looking at you I know you are sexually active… So how many? 5? 10?
** ๐ฎ Dem dey write am for face???**
Me: Uhmm, let’s just say I’m sexually active. I’m not sure the numbers are really important right now. Or are they?
Doctor: Naa, not really. Have you been having unprotected s*x?
Me: No! I mean, just once… It was by mistake…
Doctor: Your girlfriend?
Me: No!
The numerous questions were beginning to piss me off…
Doctor: Mr Dioxidane, from what you told me, it appears you’ve contacted gonorrhea.
Me: ๐ฎ Jesus!
Doctor: We would still have to carry out tests to confirm it though…
Me: Doctor, does it have a cure?
Doctor: Of course, there are antibiotics to treat it. But for now I would suggest you abstain from s*x so that you would not transmit it…
Me: Ok, doctor…
She handed me a piece of paper…
Doctor: Go to the lab with this and then come back later with the results…
Me: Thank you very much doctor…
I left her office and went to the lab…
**Summaya!!!!!!**
For the next two weeks, I underwent treatment, bombarding myself with prescribed antibiotics.
**Chai, see me dey take drugs like AIDS patient**
Prince called off the bet. I was not in any position to complain. I would have done same too. After all, I couldn’t have been straffing in my condition. Besides, I wasn’t even in the mood.
Zainab and her family came back from Abuja. I resumed tutorials with Salim. She wanted to resume our normal thursday rendezvous, but I refused. I told her I was fasting.
** 8) Omo na fasting tinz now o…**
Rejoice began ignoring my calls. I’ve been seeing her around with one spare parts dealer. That’s the thing with girls. When they don’t get what they want from you, they ‘migrate’. No time! It’s not like I was bothered either. I was determined to make a turn around in my life with regards to women affairs after all.
Malama Aisha called me. She told me she was sorry about what she did. I told her not to worry, I probably deserved it. I asked after Summaya and she told me she had traveled back. I later went to see her. We had normal discussions – no strings attached (at least for now).
It’s innate in human nature to spread gossips about people. So I didn’t tell anyone of my illness, not even MA or Zainab. Only Prince knew, and I kinda trusted him not to tell others.
After three weeks and numerous ‘antibiotic cleansing’, I was finally free (so the doctor said). I wasn’t convinced so I did confirmatory tests in two other laboratories, and they gave me the same result. Cleared!
Finally I was gonorrhea free! It was exhilarating. Lessons learnt? Yeah, definitely!
1. No ‘clean’ pu*ssy is really ‘clean’!
2. Never straff without a CD no matter the circumstance!
3. Refer to 1 and 2…
4. Visit the doctor immediately to avoid complicating your medical issues.
The crisis was finally over! My mamba was once again given a clean bill of health. It was itching for some action…
** 8) Calm down son, we are still fasting. :)**
New batch of corp members came to camp. We call them ‘Otondo’s’. I stayed close to the camp, so Prince and I planned on utilizing our ‘opportunities’ during this camping period.
Normally, old corp members and others go to the gate to welcome these new corp members ‘cos the old corp members were not allowed to go into the camp when camping began.
There are different categories of corp members who do this. The first group are those who belong to various religious denominations – NCCF, NACC, MCAN e.t.c. They wait at the gate to welcome these new corp members to the state, while inviting them to their worship sessions that would take place in camp.
The second category of people are mostly guys. These ones come basically to scoop out the babes. Sometimes they attach themselves to the group above and sometimes they go solo. They pretend to be helpful with regards to information, but what they really want is the girl’s phone number, which would be useful later (to them).
The third category of people are mostly marketers. They could be guys or ladies. They sell wares ranging from waist bags, ID card holders e.t.c and they advertise services to be rendered in camp like video coverage/photography services, laundry services, food vendors e.t.c
Normally, those marketers get registered in camp and they are issued ID cards to enable easy assess into the camp. No one without an ID card was permitted entry into the camp, except during weekends or on special invitation. That one was even time restricted. The only guaranteed way was getting the ID card.
That was not an issue for Prince and I. We already had a friend who was into video coverage of camp activities, so he collected extra ID cards for us. Easy access in and out of camp! We didn’t need to stand at the gate like others, scooping out babes.
Naa, we were right in the middle of the ocean…
Every evening in camp, after the usual morning and afternoon parade, sporting activities took place, after which everyone went about their normal activities.
Prince and I usually went in the evenings to watch activities/scoop out babes.
One day, we sat at a drinking spot and two ladies sat at the table opposite us. As usual, all corp members were in white t-shirts and white knickers. Some ladies took theirs to another level by wearing white bumshorts instead of knickers – talk about leading one into temptation. We were not dressed in white and white so it was obvious we were not corpers, at least not ‘Otondos’.
I was talking to Prince but he was busy scooping out the babes. These ladies were so damn beautiful. I didn’t even realize he wasn’t paying attention to me till I heard one of the ladies speak.
Lady1: Wo bi eleyi shen wo eyan :-\ (See how this one is looking at person :-\)
** ๐ฎ Huh? Yoruba chicks? Cool…**
I realized they were talking about Prince and I began to smile…
Lady2: Kilode ti iyen fin feyin :-\ (What’s making that one shine his teeth :-\)
** ๐ฎ **
Prince asked me if I understood what they were saying, and I said I did. We then began faking a conversation with each other while I was given the task of listening in on their conversation…
Lady2: Shey corper ni won ni? (Are they corp members?)
Lady1: Shey o ri kpe won wo white ni? (Did you see them in white?)
Lady2: Ah an, won le je old corper na (They could be old corp members)
Lady1: Emi o mo sha. Amo, eyi to kpupa yen fine gan… (I don’t know. But the fair one is very handsome)
Lady2: Oti kuru ju jor. Oori kpe ikeji yen ga gan, o de fine… (He is just too short. Can’t you see the second one is very tall, and he is handsome).
Me: Chisos! Prince, dem don finish us for here o…
Prince: Wetin dem dey talk?
Me: The other one say you fine well well, say she like you…
Prince: ๐ฎ Serious?
Me: Na so na…
Of course I didn’t give him the other details…
Lady1: Shey o sure kpe gay ko in won ni. Mi o ti ri won kpelu obinrin la te kan… (Are you sure they are not gay. I’ve not seen them with any lady since)
Lady2: Emi o mo o (I don’t know)
This was getting too far. I just had to speak up…
Me: Eburu gan o. Eeko ri okurin meji, eema kpe won ni gay. Shey o da be ni? (You girls are harsh. ‘Cos you see two guys together, you are calling them gay. Is it cool like that?)
Lady2: ๐ฎ Boda ema binu, amo kpe egbo ede wa ni. Shey yoruba ni yin ni? (Brother don’t be angry, we didn’t know you understood our language. Are you a yoruba person?)
I told them I wasn’t yoruba. They brought their chairs to our table and sat with us. Lady1 introduced herself as Shade while Lady2 introduced herself as Funmilola and we introduced ourselves.
That was how friendship with Shade and Lola started. Prince was with Shade, while I was with Lola……
Prince and I became regular ‘customers’ at the Mammy market. We were usually in the company of Shade and Lola. We were becoming very attached with them. Both of them were volley ball players and they represented their platoons during matches.
Both of them were quite beautiful in their own way, but while Shade was tall and dark in complexion, Lola was shorter and fair in complexion. Like charges repel. Unlike charges? Attract right? Yeah, basic Physics…
We usually stayed till about 9pm before ‘lights out’ by 10pm. During this period, fingering/smooching ‘codedly’ took place. Lola was willing to straff, but I was still in my ‘unstraffing’ mode. Besides, straffing in camp was not too cool for me. She talked about taking permission to go out of camp and then come to my place. She promised to stay before she traveled back to her state because she applied for relocation.
Prince and I just came into camp one evening. We were passing by the field, when I heard someone scream, ‘Dioxidane!!!’.
** ๐ฎ Huh? Who knows him???**
I didn’t recognize the voice immediately so I turned around and saw someone running towards me with bouncing b***s in her white t-shirt and white bumshorts and she jumped on me…
** ๐ฎ Chisos!! **
