MY JOURNEY AS A SINGLE MOTHER.
Part 11
By Authoress Rhoda.
Of a truth, Esther’s parent really stood by me. I could vividly remember that I was the one who told Esther to visit the hospital when she was being raped, but I didn’t apply wisdom in my case.
I told her something I failed to apply. I was supposed to visit the hospital immediately the rape incidence happened, but I thought nothing could happen. I thought I wasn’t going to be pregnant. I was very wrong.
Esther’s mother registered me in a private hospital for antenatal. Things were going fine, although I couldn’t forgive myself for what happened.
Everything about me was a mess. I felt I was a burden to my helpers. I decided to claim my life because I was just fed up of everything. The shame wasn’t something I could bear.
Unfortunately, everything I took didn’t kill me. Maybe because God was still in need of my life. I even went ahead to abort the pregnancy, but everything became futile.
The day Esther’s mother got to know that I had been gulping down abortion pills for long, she became mad at me. She was highly disappointed that I wanted to abort the pregnancy and even claim my own life.
She told me she wasn’t complaining of taking good care of me. She really spoke to me. I still saw myself as a burden to her.
“Mummy, I really appreciate you for all your efforts over my life. But, it seems God has forgotten me. It seems He is still angry at me. In fact, I look like a piece of trash. My body seems to be disgusting to me. I just feel bad about myself and that is why I want to die.
Mummy, shame has eaten me up. My own parents even forsook me. I wish death can knock at my door.
Mummy, I still find it hard to forgive those that contributed to my calamities. I can’t just bear the mockery. I just wish I can leave and never looK back.” I cried out.
Esther’s mother hugged me and wiped my tears. Esther also came to where I was and also hugged me.
I felt loved. I couldn’t help but shed another round of tears.
” Dear, I took you up from your miry clay because God instructed me to do so. When my daughter told me everything that happened to you, He instructed me to groom you.
I want you to know that you are a vessel in God’s hands. You are a clay in God’s hands. That is why when some thing happens in your life that is beyond your control, you just need to give the wheel to God to take control.
What happened to you was something beyond your control. That is why I still want you to commit your life into God’s hands . I want you to trace your steps back to God because God is not tired of moulding your broken pieces.
I know you’re shattered. I know you were dejected by people especially your parents. I know many people betrayed you, especially those you really trusted. Well, one thing I also know is that, God isn’t done with you yet. God isn’t tired of building your broken pieces.
Yes, you may think God is far from you. May I tell you that He is very near. He is right there with you, but He will not struggle with you if you don’t invite him to take the wheel of your life. But , if you hand over everything to Him, He will beautify your life despite all that happened.
So, I want you to start afresh with God. Give Him your broken pieces and He will definitely amend it. In facr, he will so much decorate your life to the extent that all those who once mocked you will glorify God for what He has done in your life. Yes, it’s just a matter of time.
Bisi, I sense something. What if you later end up marrying Gbolahan, your rapist? “She asked.
” I reject it in the name of Jesus. God forbid!!!” I shouted.
” I didn’t mean it actually. I was just asking to know if you are still having bitterness in your life. Nevertheless, if you don’t forgive others who offended you, I want you to know that God will not forgive you your sins. Gbolahan offended you, that’s fine!
But, if you don’t forgive him, you will find it difficult to move on in life because you are still holding on to hurt. You’re still holding on to pains. If you don’t release him from your heart, you will definitely not move forward in life. If you keep on holding on to pains, you will never receive the blessings of God because you haven’t released what is in your hand (bitterness). That is why you are always unhappy. That is you always wish him bad.” She said.
I forgave those who offended me. I moved on in life.
I knew I was going to birth twins according to what the result of the scan told us. I tried working inorder to get my babies’ materials ready, but Esther’s mother didn’t allow me to work. She got them for me. She did even beyond what my own biological mother would have done.
She didn’t allow me to work, but she really fed me with both physical and spiritual foods.
When it was two months to my delivery, the strike was called off. Unfortunately, I couldn’t resume.
When it was a month to my delivery, Esther’s parents followed me to my parents’ house to see if they were ready to accept me back.
Imagine, I was heavily pregnant.
Immediately dad set his eyes on me, he closed the door. He didn’t attend to us. He instructed my mother not to attend to us.
Mummy bursted into tears when she saw my condition, but she was helpless.
We returned home ie Esther parents’ house with our mission unfulfilled.
Everything that happened got me thinking. It was as if I should turn the hands of time. But, it was quite impossible.
“Dear Father, take the wheel of my life. I know I have missed it. I know my parents have disowned me. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I believe you are my potter. I believe you are my maker. I believe you can still make my life beautiful. I believe you still give me another chance. I believe something good cam still come out of my broken pieces. Father, just work unhindered in my life. Take the wheels of my life. Take control of my future… “I prayed from the bottom of my heart.
I gave birth to my twins. Well, I had mixed feelings. I was happy that I gave birth to them alive. I was happy that the loads I carried for nine months were delivered. At the same time, I was sad because they were going to be trained without having a father in their life.
Esther’s mother scolded me and encouraged me to positive. She told me to be grateful to God for the gift of life.
To cut the whole long story short, I missed a whole year in school.
****
Dear, it is not over for you. God is still in the business of moulding lives. No matter how shattered you may be, something good can still come out of you. Yes, just allow God to take the wheel of your life. Let God have His way in your life. Let Him take charge. Trust me, your life will be beautiful. ๐ฅฐโค๏ธ.
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To be continued.
ยฉ๏ธOjo Rhoda Ayanfeoluwa.
