MY JOURNEY AS A SINGLE MOTHER.
Part 21.
By Authoress Rhoda.
“What are you doing here?” Esther asked.
I became confused because I didn’t know who she was talking to.
“Please, allow us in.” A man said.
I heard his voice very well. I tried to fathom who speaks like that. Immediately, Gbolahan rang in my mind.
I discarded that thought immediately.
“Esther, who is at the door?” I asked.
She told me it was Gbolahan.
Immediately, I asked her to shut the door.
She did.
Well, before you judge me. What would you have done if you were in my shoes?
*****
Old memories flooded my heart.
I just couldn’t erase those incidents playing in my heart at the moment.
Was it about the way I was implicated despite the fact that I had a good intention towards him? Yes, my intention was pure. He was indisposed and I decided to check him up after much plea from the so called General coordinator. I didn’t have any evil agenda.
My innocent self got trapped in their evil mission.
Was it the rumor that spread all over the whole school like a fire that wouldn’t cut my heart into pieces?
Was it how my so called leaders who claimed to be spirit filled couldn’t ask God to reveal things to them, but were being partial in their judgment by believing only one side of the story that was cunningly crafted. Yes, they only believed Gbolahan and the general coordinator.
Was it the way my parents handled my issue that wouldn’t shatter my brain?
“Oh, no!”
When I thought I was strong, little did I know that I was still having bitterness towards Gbolahan.
Esther was just starring at me. She knew I was going to break into tears. She knew I was going to have mood swing. She knew many thoughts were running in my mind.
She left me alone to be on my own for some time while she was busy with the children.
I just couldn’t bear the whole drama that was being played in my heart. I just couldn’t bear it any more. I was losing my mind.
It was as if I developed hatred for Gbolahan in another form. It was as if bitterness sprung from a source that I couldn’t explain.
I completely broke down in tears.
“Bisi, tell me! For how long will you continue to keep Gbolahan in your heart? For how long will you be angry towards Gbolahan? For how long will you be violating God’s instruction on forgiveness?
For how long will you cling to the pains of the past? For how long will you keep holding on to the hurts? Bisi, for how long? ” She shouted.
I cried!
” Bisi, why not let go of the past. Why not let go of those hurts. Bisi, you are doing yourself a great danger by holding on to those pains. You are affecting your life physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically by being angry towards Gbolahan.” She said.
” Esther, it has not been easy. It is not easy to forget that soon. It is not easy.” I shouted.
” Dear, God knew it was not going to be easy and that was why He promised us that His grace will be sufficient for us.
Yes, humanly speaking, it is not possible to forgive someone who offends you. It’s very hard for the flesh to do. It’s very hard for the flesh to do the will of Abba. It is very hard for the flesh to obey God’s commandments.
Yes, despite the weakness of our flesh, what seems impossible for us to do is possible for us to carry out through the grace of God.
Come to think of it, Bisi. Christ died on the cross of calvary for your sake. He died on the cross in order to blot out all your transgressions.
Remember how your life was before you were saved. Remember how many lives you destroyed when you were once in the kingdom of darkness. Remember the number of accidents you caused in the marine world that led to the death of many people just because you were all in need of blood to drink as water.
Remember all the atrocities you committed, dear. Please, remember them. Despite all you did. Despite all the brethren you caused to fall when you were still in the world, despite all, Christ forgave you without collecting a dime.
Dear, remember you weren’t saved by your own power. It was not your money that saved you. Instead, you were saved by grace. Yes, God threw all your sins into the ocean of forgetfulness and made you His own daughter.
Now, someone offended you. Isn’t it abnormal if someone forgave you all your sins and you fail to forgive others of their sins? Isn’t it bad to be selfish? Remember the case of the man with an unforgiving spirit in the bible.
He was owing someone some certain amounts of money. The owner decided to take the matter up, but after much plea, he forgave the man and pardoned him.
As the man was going, he met one of his debtors. Instead of him to remember what the other man did to him by granting him pardon, he decided to deal with his debtor. When the man that pardoned him heard about his action, he was displeased. In fact…
So, God forgave you so that you can forgive others. Please, forgive this Gbolahan. Who knows if Gbolahan is going to be your husband… ” She said.
I rushed to where Esther was and threw something at her. We started chasing ourselves in the room on top Gbolahan matter🤣.
” Lover girl, I hope you have forgiven your husband and father of your children? ” Esther asked.
” Call Gbolahan my husband again and I promise to smash your phone.” I threatened.
She kept quiet.
I totally forgave Gbolahan. I did that from the bottom of my heart.
I didn’t know what my future was going to look like, but I knew he wasn’t going to be my husband.
Hmm🤔🤔
***
I want to ask you a question as well.
Tell me, for how long will you keep that person in your heart? For how long will you be angry towards that brother or sister or woman or man or uncle or aunty or friend or parents who really offended you? For how long?
Remember your state of mind is at stake.
God forgave you so that you can forgive others.
So, you need to let go. Forgive that person. Yes, from the bottom of your heart so that you can enjoy peace and many blessings and be rapturable at any time rapture happens.
Remember, your strength will fail you to forgive someone who offended you and this is where the grace of God comes in. Yes, His grace is sufficient for you. So, ask for that grace.
*****
I received a message from Gbolahan.
What was the message all about?
To be continued.
©️Ojo Rhoda Ayanfeoluwa.
