JUDGMENT DAY 3
™
“And who asked for your opinion on this matter? Why can’t you mind your business instead of jumping piom piom piom everywhere like MTN?” Ugly Uncle’s wife asked.
“I am the care taker of this compound and it is my duty to maintain peace. What of Cassandra?” I responded.
Actually, Cassandra is their last born, but Ugly Uncle does not know that he is not her father.
How do I know?
Well, there was a day I was called to come and rectify an electrical fault in a hotel. The fault was under the counter, where the receptionist sits.
I was still working under the counter when I heard Ugly Uncle’s wife’s voice. She was accompanied by a man.
They requested for a room and the receptionist asked them to wait while she went to ensure the room was properly arranged.
So while waiting for the receptionist to return, they began to have their conversation while I was still working under the counter unnoticed by them.
“I have missed my Cassandra so much. I am not comfortable that another man is taking care of my daughter when I am still alive. I want my baby to grow with me. I will come and take her,” the man had said.
“No ooo! You will spoil my marriage. I know what I went through before I got married and I can’t afford to have my marriage wrecked.”
“So what about my daughter? When can I have her?” the man asked again.
“You can have her when my husband dies.”
“And what if I am the one to die first?”
They both began to laugh at their nansense just as when the receptionist returned.
As the man was about to be given a book to sign in, the receptionist asked if I was through with the repairs.
I answered on the affirmative as I stood up revealing my present.
I collected my pay for the service and went outside without saying a word to them.
Few seconds later, the woman ran outside to meet me.
“If you ever breathe a word concerning what you heard and saw in there to any soul, I swear on my mother’s grave, I shall use razor blade to remove your skin from this your tiny bones,” she threatened.
I had no intention of reporting her to her husband, not after what he did to me the last time I reported her to him.
So I locked up and tried to mind my business. But I told few people shah! I could not resist.
Ever since that encounter, Ugly Uncle’s wife created an enmity between us. Everything I say and do, pains her and vice versa.
Now back to the compound.
I turned and saw Ugly Uncle heading to one of the flower pots. He sat on it and began to meditate on ‘how the might had fallen.’
Poor man. I felt pity for him. Only if he knew that the Cassandra he parades around is not he’s.
So for the wife to refer to me as ‘MTN, everywhere you go’, I decided to have my pound of flesh.
I turned to the pregnant lady and said: “Madam, it is not good for you to be standing like this. Not in this condition. Please take your bag inside. You can sit on the couch as we try to resolve this amicably.”
“Go where? Which inside? If you know what is best for you, better carry these your tiny legs and go back to where ever you came from,” the wife ordered as she rushed to block the entrance to the varenda.
The pregnant lady picked up her bag and tried to gain access to the varenda, but oga’s wife pushed her forcefully away.
I rushed in and saved the lady from falling.
Immediately, the Calabar witch opened her bag and brought out an object wrapped in a red piece of clothe.
I quickly ran behind Ugly Uncle’s wife in order to avoid getting hit by whatever the woman was going to release, while pretending to be restraining the wife from inflicting any bodily harm on the pregnant lady.
But I was wrong. That was a wrong move.
The pregnant lady quickly threw her bag away and launched a deadly venomous slap targeted at oga’s wife.
However, the wife was smart enough to dodge the slap while I was still focusing on the old woman.
The slap, in all it’s acceleration, with both it’s initial and final velocities being equal, and in all it’s glory, landed on my newly shaved bald head – kpaaaiiii.
Will Smith’s and Bianca Ojukwu’s slaps are learners where this woman’s slap is.
Everything became muted.
I saw the two women talking, but I could no longer hear any sound.
The only thing I was hearing was the repeated echo of the slap resounding – wang wang wang wang wang wang wang.
I could not remember anything again except what transpired between my mother and I that fateful afternoon when I returned from school.
I was then in primary 4.
That morning, I stole 6 pieces of meat from the pot, wrapped them in a paper and took them to school.
When I returned from school, my mother held me hostage. She locked both of us in a room and launched a slap on my newly shaved head. The slap was similar to the one I received this time around.
That was the only thing I remembered.
As I tried to recollect my memory, I found myself sitting beside Ungly Uncle. He was staring at me in wonderment. How I got to sit with him is what I do not know up till now.
Suddenly, the gate was thrown opened and I saw someone who resembled my wife.
She was shouting my name asking me what a pack of used condom was doing in one of my trousers she went to give the laundry man.
Actually, she was my wife, and she is a tigress in fight.
Please let me take panadol. The wang wang wang sound has returned.
I will continue the story tomorrow.
© Ezekiel Umoren
#ezekstory
