The Mistake Of My Life



22nd June 1989
I woke up from sleep with a very terrible headache, while hunger and fear occupied the rest of my body.
Nnamdi who was lying by my side instantly coughed, startling me. I rubbed my eyes, got up from bed and smiled at little Winnie who was sleeping peaceful on her cot.

That fateful day was my 19th birthday, but instead of being the happiest day of my life, it brought great suspence, fear and sorrow with it. It was equally the last day Nnamdi, my boyfriend and little Winnie’s father gave me to pack out from his room.

Our relationship suddenly turned sour when i got pregnant for him. He never wanted me to keep the baby, but i refused to terminate it leaving him with no choice than to accept responsibility, when my parents threw me out of their house.

I was in SS3 when it happened, while he was just a struggling brick layer and a motor mechanic apprentice. We both were from poor backgrounds which truly worsened everything.

I was then left at his mercy, and out of frustration he never allowed a moment to pass without reminding me of the hardship i was causing him and how unlucky i was. Those were the moments i felt like killing myself.

I admit i made a terribly mistake by having unprotected se.x and getting pregnant for him, but harming my innocent baby was what i really couldn’t do.

I managed and struggled with determination until i gave birth to my little girl on 21st december 1988. Nnamdi on his part grudgingly supported me by providing the little he had which he never did without complaining, but the love and joy my little girl brought into my life sustained and gave me hope.

As soon as little Winnie was born, he gave me six months to leave his house. At first i thought it was one of his numerous careless comments, but as June slowly drew near, he began singing it almost everyday in my ears. Leaving me confused, demoralized and unhappy.

It really wasn’t as if he was spending much on us. I only ate twice daily while little Winnie survived on my br.east milk and few ‘Tins’ of baby milk concerned neighbours especially our land-lady do give us.

The previous day {21st June}, he almost strangled me simply because i begged him to allow us stay few more months with him. I had no money on me, nor family to seek because to them i was good as dead. Not even when i took little Winnie to them months after she was born did their mind change.

I murmured some prayers as i awaited my fate, wondering where to go, when he eventually wakes up and throws us out.


The Mistake Of My Life

Episode 2

Nnamdi soon woke up, ignored my greeting, washed his mouth and left the house without a word. I was terribly scared because of the way he looked at me. I knew it was just a matter of seconds before he kicks us out of his room. I sobbed quietly as I lamented my fate.

“My mates are all with their parents, enjoying their lives and planning for a brighter future. Here i’m suffering like a refugee” i reasoned with tears. “only if i had listened to him months ago and terminated my baby, i wouldn’t be suffering in this manner” i said to myself bitterly. But deep down in my heart i equally knew i rejected to do his bidding because i couldn’t bear such guilt which would have been terrible and unbearable.

Winnie’s loud cry soon calmed me. I quietly carried her, changed her napkin, breastfed and sang a lullaby for her. He came in that moment eyeing us.

“Have you packed all your things?” he asked coldly.

I swallowed hard and stared at him pleadingly.

“please don’t do this to us” i begged,“we are already managing well, i’ll start a trade very soon” i added.

He scratched his head uneasily and again eyed me murderously,“do you call this life eeh? Abeg shut up that your dirty mouth” he barked, before grabbing all my clothes which he dumped inside an old large bag, fetched Winnie’s things and equally dumped them in it. “Here is two hundred and fifty Naira {#250} it’s your transport fare to your parents house, i have tried enough for you, i won’t kill myself doing it mtcheeew” he muttered and threw the money at me.

Tears instantly fell uncontrollably from my eyes, i had no where to go.

I was doomed, I dropped Winnie on the bed, knelt and begged him “please Nnamdi, please” i begged again and again, but instead of my pleas to calm him, it infuriated him tremendously. He slapped me hard,grabbed the bag and threw it out of his room.

“i will do the same to you and this baby if you don’t leave peacefully” he threatened.

I stared at him heartbroken, and hungry, cursing the day i granted him access to my body. The story of my love life with Nnamdi really is a long one. An affair which never should have happened in the first place had i ignored my heart, because he really had nothing to offer me, yet i foolishly fell in love with him. A very stupid teenage love affair which I now regret.

Love dosen’t work in an empty stomach, neither does it work in an unsecured environment.

Nnamdi wasn’t in love with me any longer because circumstances changed and he only saw me as a burden to his miserable life. He totally ignored Winnie’s cries, my pleas and our neighbours preachings as he pushed us out of his house that fateful morning.

A day i was supposed to be happy because it was my birthday.


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