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Tosin would tell Jumoke about the incident that caused a total turn around in her home. Before then, Jumoke excused herself into the kitchen to put things together for Tosin’s favorite Jollof rice. Tosin followed her into kitchen and watched as she cooked. After every ingredient had entered the pot and the food had started bubbling, producing a tantalizing aroma that could make even the most anorexic person to begin to salivate and demand for food, the two friends moved back to the living room and continued with their discussion.
“On that blessed day,” Tosin began. ” I and Kelvin had a near- perfect intimacy. I call it near-perfect because I was in the mood and I enjoyed it a bit. I also allowed him to do whatever he wanted with me. Though I lacked the stamina for a prolonged session like Kelvin always wanted, I decided to give in that night. I thought that my husband was satisfied with what we had, mostly as he beamed, sighed contentedly and rolled over, falling into a deep sleep afterwards. Looking at him, I wished I could always satisfy his s@xual desires. But it seemed Kelvin was insatiable. What happened at midnight convinced me of that.”
” What happened?”
“I was sleeping soundly when something startled me awake. It was more or less like someone tapped me. It wasn’t Kelvin because he was not by my side. I stood up and left the bedroom to check if my husband was in the living room. He wasn’t there but I traced him to the guest room where I had heard a strange sound, as if someone was m*****g.”
” Don’t tell me he brought someone into the house.”
” Not at all,” Tosin replied. She raised her head up and focused on the ceiling, as if she was indecisive on making the next revelation.
Jumoke touched her and said,” it seems you are still hurting.”
” It’s not that. I just remembered that I was not only disappointed seeing what I saw, but I felt like dying. I didn’t expect that after I had given all to Kelvin, he would still stoop as low as to be m@sturbating.”
” What? He was m@sturbating?”
” Yes. His laptop was placed before him and he was watching a man and a woman going wildly at each other like animals. He held to his m@nhood and was struggling for a release. I was disgusted and rushed back to the bedroom to vomit into the toilet. What I saw answered the question why Kelvin always expected more than what I could give to him. He had all along been comparing me to those paid actors that could do anything to make people believe that they were enjoying having s@x like lower animals and exposing their nudity to anyone that cared to watch their videos. My question was, why would Kelvin involve himself in such an act? Was he possessed? Why would a married christian man be doing such? I was ashamed of letting him know that I saw him m@sturbating. How would he look at my face? I was also broken and hated my husband the more. But even with the pain in my heart, I knew that Kelvin needed help. So the next morning, I decided to visit our pastor’s wife.
” You did?” Jumoke asked. ” Why? Weren’t you ashame of narrating the incident to her? What would she think about your husband. And how would your husband react to you exposing him? For crying out loud, he’s a man with good reputation and people always look up to him as a role model.”
” I also thought of that,” Tosin replied, but I was scared of the consequence that his ungodly act could bring upon us. That habit could open a gateway for the enemy to get into our home. It could portend danger to our future and the future of our children. It could get to a time that phonography alone wouldn’t be enough for Kelvin and he would begin to look outside and sleep with all sorts of women. By then, his so called reputation won’t save him. Who knows? Maybe he had even started by then. Forget about him being a leader in the church, temptation has no boundary. It’s better a man doesn’t get a single taste of those women outside. If he does, he might find it difficult to retrace his steps. I wanted to guard against that. I didn’t want Kelvin’s high libido to push him out. Many of those women are diabolical. A good number of them would give what the normal housewives wouldn’t care to give their husbands.”
” You are right,” Jumoke nodded. Even the bible spoke about them in the book of Proverbs chapter 7.” She picked and opened the bible.
– For at the window of my house I looked through my casement,
– And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding,
– Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house,
– In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night:
– And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.
– She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house:
– Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)
– So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him,
– I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows.
– Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.
– I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt.
– I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
– Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.
– For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:
– He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed.
– With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.
– He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;
– Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life.
” I wasn’t ashamed to open up to mummy Pastor.” Tosin continued. “I told her of the challenges we’d been having before then. It was easy to connect the challenges to Kevin’s s@xual habit. She made me know that there must be a root cause for Kelvin’s actions and we would find out the cause. So we fixed a time to pray and fast. After that, I got the go-ahead to talk to my husband about the bad habit.”
” You did? How?”
By now, the food was ready. Jumoke dished it into a medium sized warmer. Tosin would take the food home.
“I waited for the right opportunity. The opportunity came on a day we had another round of satisfying s@x. As Kelvin turned to begin to sleep, I asked a question.”
Jumoke opened her eyes wide and held to her chest. Tosin smiled.
” I modulated my voice and I was like, “sweet heart, did you enjoy the act?”
” Yes of course,” Kelvin answered smarking his lips. ” You are getting better at it.”
I threw the bomb. ” But you will still go back to watch phonography and m********e after all that we had together.”
If the floor could open up, I knew Kevin would run in and never come out with the kind of shame I saw on his face. His looks alone showed that he couldn’t deny the allegation. Instead of denying, he broke down in tears and told me about how the problem started. When he was in secondary school, he had a school mother, a senior student that loved him dearly. She actually introduced him to s*x when he was barely twelve. The first act was a forced one; she molested him. Subsequently, he got used to the act and discovered that he was never satisfied even after going down with her and other ladies. He began to watch phonography and became a chronic m@sturbator. Even after giving his life to Christ in the University, he couldn’t just get out of that habit.”
” He should have gone for deliverance.”
” He did, but after every session, he would get better a little but still go back to his vomit in a matter of days. After Kelvin’s confession, we visited the pastor’s wife. We had series of prayers and deliverance sessions, then she directed us to a counselor who also happened to be a clinical psychologist and a Christian. He diagnosed Kelvin as having hypersexuality disorder.
“Hypersexuality disorder is a compulsive sexual behavior in which an individual is preoccupied with sexual fantasies, urges or behaviors that is difficult to control, causes you distress, or negatively affects your health, job, relationships or other parts of your life. My husband’s case was triggered as a result of the sexual abuse that he had from his school mother. Investigations carried out also revealed that he had oversecretion of some brain chemicals that always trigger his sexual feelings. All in all, he had various forms of therapies and we backed them up with prayers. God gave us victory.”
” Your husband is a lucky man,” Jumoke said. ” I wonder what would have happened if he had married someone that would only expose his weakness rather than help him.”
“I used to wonder about that as well. Our husbands needs our help and prayers. They need our protection just as we need there’s. Remember how Abigail pleaded for her husband and prevented David from harming him in the book of IST Samuel. The book of Proverbs 31: 11- says that the heart of the husband of the virtous woman trusts in her. He knew she wouldn’t put him to shame, neither would she expose him. Our husbands face lots of challenges. An average man faces more temptation than the woman. The enemy is not happy seeing couples in harmony. As for me, I was glad that I could help my husband. I took my time to learn. I read books. I listened to teachings.”
” God bless you my friend,” Jumoke said. ” I have learnt a lot today. But I still have a question.”
” Fire on. Though, it’s almost time to go pick the children from school.”
” I will be brief. Going back to what you said. If there is hypersexuality, then there should be hyposexuality. How do you handle that?”
” I was also curious about that and I had to do some research.Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), hyposexuality or inhibited sexual desire (ISD) is sometimes considered a sexual dysfunction, and is characterized as a lack or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity. I discover that it is often found in women although men could also be affected. It maybe due to so many reasons but the major thing I picked out while learning about this problem was that people that grew up with the mindset that s*x is bad might find themselves having this problem. I think part of what parents should teach their children is that s*x is a beautiful thing but is best enjoyed in the confines of marriage.”
Jumoke sighed deeply. ” I agree with you. I am also of the opinion that many of these facts should be taught in our churches. Many of us are ignorantly ignorant.”
TO BE CONTINUED
Β©Bosede Fagbemi
Please let’s not be ignorantly ignorant.
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