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After the whole wahala of the day, it was time for Deaconess Beatrice to retire to bed. Reverend and his wife had left her house about an hour earlier. That was after they went to Kola’s house and returned to check back on her. The level of care they showed to her increased Deaconess’ guilty feeling about putting them through a lot of stress. The way their faces were drawn after they returned from Kola’s house gave her a little clue to what might have transpired there. She felt bad and wished she had the power to remedy the situation and make everyone happy. She could endure her own unhappiness, but for someone else to be in a sad state because of what she had done was disheartening to her.
The Reverend’s wife noticed her increasing moodiness and felt reluctant about leaving her on her own. ” Mama.” She called. ” Are you sure you will be okay if you stay alone this night?”
Deaconess shrugged. ” Sure. This is not the first time I will be staying alone. I’m used to it.”
“But today is different. You’ve gone through a lot. You look weak and depressed. Why not follow us home? Alternatively, I can send one of the children to come spend the night with you?”
Deaconess smiled. “I will be okay mummy. Thanks for your concern. I really appreciate it. ”
Reverend Alhassan cleared his throat. “I am also not comfortable with you staying alone all the time, especially because of your condition. You might need help at anytime.”
“I have put that into consideration. My househelp will return by the end of the week.”
Deaconess’ househelp had not returned from the village since when she traveled. That was before Deaconess went to Ghana. She had wanted to return but Deaconess had told her to stay put in the village until she gets her bearing. She never gave her the reason why she wanted her to stay back. Two days ago, she called her to start preparing to get back . Deaconess knew that her help would be suprised to see her in her present state. More so because she had always preached to her about chastity and always warned her to be careful with men, especially the young men in the neighborhood. She always hammered that they would spoil her future if she allows them. The househelp would be surprised that Deaconess didn’t live what she had been preaching about. She would be more surprised if she hears that Kola is the man responsible for her pregnancy. “I will cross the bridge when I get to it.” Deaconess whispered.
Reverend’s wife drew her closer. Deaconess placed her head on her chest, like a daughter would do with her mother.
” We will be traveling to Dukawa home mission field tomorrow for the annual mission outreach. You may not get us on phone.”
” Yes.” Reverend added. ” I have assigned Deacon Talabi to check on you on daily basis before we return.”
Deaconess Beatrice nodded.
” We leave you in the hands of God. Everything will be ok. For the fact that you honoured God by acknowledging your sins and humbling yourself under discipline, God will honour you in multiple folds.”
” Amen.”
” Let us pray.”
——
Deaconess felt a great sense of loss as Reverend and his wife left her. She wished she had agreed to follow them. She tried to shrug off the feeling but couldn’t. The cloud of darkness around her suddenly increased and she sat aloof, like a child missing her mother. Her tummy cried for food but she felt too weak to move an inch towards the kitchen.
Picking herself from the sofa, she dragged her feet into the bedroom and dropped on the floor. The memory of everything that happened during the day came rushing back and she began to weep. Nerve wracking sobs shook her frame and poured out of her eyes like a torrential downpour. After the weeping came a kind of cold that she had never experienced. Her body shook from head to toe as her teeth clenched together. Slowly, she stood up from the floor and climbed the bed. She laid on her left side and dragged the duvet over her body.
Deaconess began to speak audibly.
“Even if my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up. Oh father of the fatherless. Husband of the widow. Helper of the helpless. Help me in my present situation.”
Tears dropped from her eyes as she picked her phone to check through the gallery. She knew what she was looking for; her late husband’s picture. They were scattered all over her phone. She selected one; the one they took at the church the Sunday before his demise. In the picture, she was looking up at him and he was looking down at her with a larger than life smile on his face, as if reassuring her that he would always be by her side come rain come shine. If anyone had told her that it would be the last picture they would take together, she would have called the person a liar. Collins was hale, hearty and full of life before he was snatched away from her.
“Collins, why do you have to leave me,” she cried. ” You promised to always be there for me.” She placed the phone close to her chest, as if she could get comforted by doing that. Afterwards, she stood up, moved to the wardrobe and opened it. The wardrobe is a very large one and occupied one side of the wall. She moved to the side that had her late husband’s clothing that she had refused to discard even a year after his death. Picking a large agbada, she clutched it in her hands and pressed her nose to it. As she perceived a faint scent of his cologne, tears fell from her eyes and dropped on the cloth. She moved back to the bed, laid on her side, covered herself with the agbada and whispered as she fell into a fitful sleep.
“Jesus! husband of the widow, be my comfort. Comfort me from all sides.”
——
She dreamt that someone entered her room and stood at the head of the bed, as if watching over her. The person radiated warmth that extended to her. She felt an indescribable sort of comfort with his presence. He spoke to her but not in the familiar way. Rather, she heard his clear voice in her mind and she also responded through her mind.
” You called on me and I am here. Why didn’t you call me on that midnight that you were overwhelmed with lust? If you had done so, you won’t find yourself in this situation.”
“I did. I asked you to help me.”
” Yes you did, but your call for help was halfhearted. You already knew what you wanted in your heart. Your prayer was not sincere. I only answer sincere prayers.”
” I thought that I could control my feelings.”
” Never. No man can prevail by mere strength.”
Deaconess wanted to open her eyes wide. She wanted to have a full glimpse of the person speaking with her. She couldn’t, because her eyes was too heavy with sleep.
” I am happy with you. I am happy that finally, you honoured me. If you endure to the end, Instead of shame, you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours, here and thereafter.”
” I need strength. I don’t think I can endure further humiliation. My strength is waning.”
“My grace is sufficient for you. Be strong. More challenges are coming.”
” More challenges? I don’t think that I can bear anything further. I am tired.”
” I will be with you.”
” What if I can’t bear it? What if I fall by the way?”
” I will be with you.”
I will be with you… Deaconess jerked awake. What a dream. She needed no one to tell her that what she had was a divine encounter. It gladdened her heart that God was happy with her. However, some aspects of the dream were not clear to her. She cringed at the thought that another challenge would come her way. And the promise…I will be with you. Comforting.
Deaconess checked the bedside clock. It was 3am. She was almost drifting back into sleep when her phone rang. What first came to her mind was why someone would call her at such an odd hour. She checked the phone. It was a foreign number. Her first son’s number. She knew that it would be around 9pm by their time in Canada. Even with that, Titus should know better. She murmured and picked the call.
As she put the phone to her ear, the sound of her son’s voice sent chills down Deaconess’ spine. He didn’t sound like the Titus she knew. The first question that he asked her made her want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
“Mum! Who is responsible for your pregnancy?” Titus’ voice was cold and hard. Deaconess felt as if someone was pouring ice-cold water on her.
Ever since her ordeal started, she never for once envisaged that the news would get to her children before she tells them. She had forgotten that the world has become digital and news could go round the globe in matter of minutes.
Someone had taken her picture at the church and sent it to a blogger. The blogger took her story and formulated other stories around it. He posted it on Instagram and Facebook. It went viral. Her first son saw the story and shared it with his siblings. Their friends saw the news and called them. They became infuriated.
Whenever Deaconess remembered the unprintable names that Titus called her and the insults that he hauled at her, she would feel like ending it all. She was inconsolable. Her children were already standing against her. They refused to pick her calls throughout the next day and the next. They vowed never to accept a bastard as their sibling. They said they were ashamed of her.
To Deaconess, that was the last straw. She began to sink into depression. She locked herself in and refused to pick calls or call anyone. Reverend and his wife only got her once thought she didn’t answer the call. The Deacon that was assigned to check on her did not go even once, because his wife threatened to cause trouble if he dare step into the house of that adulterous woman. Jerry had called severally and had become worried because neither she nor Kola were picking their calls.
She stayed in the house for six full days. She only ate sparingly and became weak. She also refused to care for her hygiene. She told herself that she was tired of everything and would just stop doing everything. She refused to charge her phone until the battery became flat.
On the 6th day of her elective seclusion, her system revolted, she collapsed and drifted into coma. That was the day her house girl arrived from the village. She knocked severally but got no response. Remembering that they had a place where they keep an extra house key in case of emergencies, she moved to the back of the house and rummaged through a flower pot. As she opened the door, she was suprised to meet a heavy heap on the floor.
” Jesuuuuu. Mummy.” She shouted and bent over Deaconess to check if she was still breathing.
TO BE CONTINUED
Β© Bosede Fagbemi
