HEDGED
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EPISODE 14
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FINALE
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“Not again, Mama.” “Would you please stop crying?”
“You want me to stop crying, ehn? How can I stop crying, Greg? How can I stop crying when my son has suddenly subjected me to playing second fiddle to a total stranger?”
“Tricia is no stranger, Mama, and no one ever said anything about you playing second fiddle to anyone.” “Where in the name of God are you getting all of this?
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Mama burst into tears once more.
I stepped closer to Mama, hugged her, and tried to wipe her tears with the only thing I could find on the stool next to me: a serviette.
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“Could you please stop doing this to me, Mama?” “You know just how much I despise it to watch you cry, particularly concerning things I consider inadequate.”
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Mama shrugged me off, leaned away, snorted, and then wiped tears from her cheeks with the underside of her palm before saying…
“You say you dislike it when you see me cry, but you always seem to find a way to make me…”
“…I apologize, Mama. You must understand that I will never purposefully make you upset, let alone cry…”
“…It’s not true,” Mama shot back.
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I sat next to Mama, perplexed and unsure of what this whole ordeal was all about.
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“Is there anything more related to this than I am aware of?” I was thinking to myself.
I then considered asking.
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I felt driven to inquire, to uncover what Mama truly wanted from me. Her “drama” was already wearing on me.
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Mama cleared her throat when she heard my query. She shifted her seating posture to ensure she was now extremely well positioned, facing me, before opening her mouth to deliver the soul-piercing, hair-raising, and eye-popping statements that were to follow.
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“I haven’t gotten enough attention from you since you married Tricia, Greg. I’ve apparently turned into a ghost in your perception. At first, I tried to comprehend that, as newlyweds, it is simply natural for you both to crave and desire that essential bonding time with each other, so I didn’t take it personally when, in the initial six months of your marriage, you barely called to find out how I was, or even thought it nice enough for you to drive over to check on me, knowing full well how sickly I have become.” “My genuine fear began in the months preceding the years to come.” “You are my son, Greg, so I should be aware when you suddenly pick up on a trait that I hadn’t noticed in you your entire life, right?” Mama asked in a manner that struck me as rhetorical.
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It took Mama’s lengthy silence and intense glance at me to realize this was a question.
I simply nodded.
Mama continued…
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“I am not a kid, despite the fact that they say old age brings childish displays.” “I can understand the fact that you have gotten married and must focus on the family you are attempting to build with your wife, but Greg, does this automatically imply that you must forget about the family that brought you into the world?”
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I was completely speechless at this moment. If it had been another question, I would have had no answer.
Mama, on the other hand, persisted…
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“I realize I can come across as selfish and overly needy at times, but try watching your child grow and seemingly outgrow their connection with you, and you’ll see.” “Perhaps then, maybe you’ll understand what I’ve purportedly been babbling about.” “Every time I’ve missed you and wanted to come over to spend some time with you, you’ve always had a reason why that’s a bad idea. I can only imagine what your wife has been feeding you because you’ve never despised my company before.”
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Mama’s every word was tinged with grief. Every word she said radiated sincerity.
I saw things from a completely different angle at that point.
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Here I was, thinking my mother was the source of the problem, not realizing I had a hand in it.
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Mama wasn’t completely wrong with her claims.
I acknowledge that I had been emotionally disconnected since my marriage; I had become too far off. But believe me when I say that was never on purpose.
All I felt I had been doing was giving Tricia my full attention as my newlywed. Even though I’d been a proud mama’s boy my whole life, I didn’t want to come across “as one” to my lovely wife. I wasn’t sure if she understood the concept of the “word” differently than the rest of the world.
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Even though Tricia has never complained, I knew instinctively in my heart that Tricia was simply trying her hardest to be fair, understanding, and respectful when Mama came up with unusual requests that demanded my attention at ungodly hours. I realized she was only condoning Mama’s excesses because she understands how important my mother is in my heart and life.
But knowing Tricia understood wasn’t enough of a reason to abuse the privilege; thus, the efforts I made towards my mother, which ultimately appeared negligent on my part,
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Now I realize that being married should not be an excuse to appear to sideline a loved one.
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Assuming that the money I provided to Mama on a regular basis would compensate for my absence was the highest point of my insensitivity.
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I finally understand. I now understand why Mama blamed Tricia for the sudden distance between us.
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I’d never felt as sad in my life as I did at that moment.
I felt sorry because I knew I hadn’t always been an excellent son; Mama deserved more.
I had no clue that an act I discounted could have had such a tremendous impact on Mama.
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Mama had started crying again at this point. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to join her.
I apologized over and over again. I pleaded for a pardon.
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Mama, through sobs, murmured…
“I’m not a moron, Greg. I had my chance at marriage. It’s your time now, and I’ll never be the source of your unhappiness with it. I would never be the type of mother who would deny her son’s wife space to breathe.” “Greg, I’m simply a sad, lonely mother. You realize you’re all I’ve got.”
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I drew closer to Mama, wrapped her in a hug, and this time she allowed me.
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Mama and I talked late into the night, with me pledging to make amends for my mistakes.
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Mama returned to her base the following weekend.
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I was delighted Mama and I had that conversation that night because it went on to make me a better son, husband, and even role model for my two daughters.
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Mama died two years ago, and to this day, I still mourn her. We all still do.
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I’d imagined I was “hedged” the entire time, but I wasn’t, at least not in the sense I’d assumed.
I was hedged quite alright, but in the epiphany of marriage.
The end.
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Moshood Avidiime The Writer
