PANT SAGA 2
Immediately I left the school, I placed a call to my wife.
I told her how her son packed her pants to school.
I even told her about my perception of the little girl I met at the office.
I made jest about the whole matter.
In all of these, my wife did not laugh. Very unlike her.
I knew Junior was in trouble already. He deserved to be in trouble considering how he has been depriving my wife and I of our conjugal rights.
In fact, whenever he has a problem with my wife, that is when I always have my way because he will angrily move to his room.
Imagine a 4 year old boy that has been fighting with me over the woman I married.
At home, we run a mini-supreme court.
One thing about this court is that my wife assumes the roles of all the Justices of the court. You can neither object, over rule nor appeal her judgment. So I imagined how tensed the house was going to be.
After dinner, I jumped on my couch and focused on the television. I was enjoying the replay between Morocco and Portugal.
The court settled and my wife presided over as usual.
“Junior!” she called out in a terrifying voice.
The poor boy knew what he was in to.
He appeared with a guilty plea written all over his face.
“What were my pants doing in your school? Who permitted you to touch my pants? Since when did we start sharing pants?”
Too many questions for a 4 year old boy. I would have opted to be his defense lawyer, but this boy dey show me shege for nights. So I allowed him to face his penalty.
“Are you deaf?” my wife asked as she could not get a response from Junior. The question was accompanied by a slap.
“I’m talking to you and you’re watching football? Are you ok? If I catch you looking at that screen again, you’ll see what I’ll do to you.”
Then she turned to me and added: “In fact, put off the TV.”
Who would want to have problem with a Supreme Court Justice? So I quickly put off the television, but I decided to stay behind in case things went out of hand.
My boy could not defend himself, so he was sentenced to some lashes.
She held him and flogged the hell out of his life.
As soon as the boy was released, he ran to his room immediately. Then the Devil decided to play buga on top my head.
“Just thank God say the pants were clean and neat, else you for hear ahm today.” I wanted to laugh, but the Devil had something for me.
“And you, ” she interrupted. “Why were you scared of the little girl? What have you been doing behind my back?”
I felt goose bumps all over me.
“What did you say?” I asked helplessly as I was taken unaware.
“Stop pretending as if you didn’t hear me. What have you been doing behind my back?” she asked at the top of her voice.
My people na so I take buy market for myself ooo.
© Ezekiel Umoren
#ezekstory
