Toto Pass Toto – 18+)
EPISODE 15
Me: I for like talk about her after I eat finish.
Victoria: hungry never wire you.
Me: hiaa.. Person nofit pull your legs, this your pikin fine oh the baby keep on staring at me suspiciously, if he can speak he would have ask what are you doing with my mommy?
Victoria: the pikin go fine pass you.
Me: I gree, wey the food na?
Victoria: you and your brother food, follow me.
I walked behind her as we walked to a section of the house illuminated with expensive light bulbs.
They were artistry portraits on the walls and flowers that gave the dinning life, the air there is calm and serene.
The tables was made with crystal and the chairs were made of bronze, and they all have an inscription, I could not hold myself from saying money is speaking.
Me: all these things wey ona put here don belleful person before em go start to eat.
Victoria: na for tv you dey see this kind things?
Me: this your husband na yahoo man or na political underdog, which one em be? she start laughing.
Victoria: eat your food, I wan go b****t feed my pikin.I sat down and opened the big round plate before me, inside it is three breakable plates.
One of it contained fried rice with lots of beef mixed with it, and the other one has two laps of fried chicken with sauce.
Victoria left with her noisy baby, probably he is angry that am eating food from their house, all those stingy babies that people will be saying that they don’t know anything but ‘na lie oh!’.The other one has what I don’t understand, should I say it is salad or desert.
I just shift that one go one side, picked a spoon and forget the others aligned on the tray. I washed my hand neatly and held the chicken lap, used my teeth and dragged of it skin…Ummhh.. Good.
I finished one lap before I started eating the fried rice with lots of pieces of meats.
Everything was tasting good, no wonder God say rich people no go fit make heaven them don enjoy everything for Earth, their question be ‘wetin remain?’
Before Victoria returned, I was picking out stubborn meat particles from my teeth.
Before she took a seat beside me, I gulped down the glass of juice.
Me: na person one year salary you dey eat a day, unbelievable she laugh
Victoria: you sabi eat oh! But you nodey fat.
Me: ehhnn.. So who be that Oyigbo babe?
Victoria: I know say you go ask, look at you womanizer.
Me: you dey 21st century still dey call womanizer, we don change our badge to sweetboy.
Another ebony lady came down dressed like maid, she wore all those black and white oyigbo people their maid uniform.
That looks like burial united uniform, occasion lords can relate.
Her ss is not of this Earth but of Mars, I wondered why all the workers here are cute are they an organization or something.
She parked the plates and carried away while my eyes went with her and returned after she went out of view, Victoria shook her head.
Victoria: I nofit allow you live here for a Month oh!
Me: why you talk like that?
Victoria: see the way you dey n***d all my maids with your eyes, you never change. What of your babe?
Me: them dey… So who be that Oyigbo babe?
Victory: hired home nurse, shey you fit allow me rest.
Me: which one be hired home nurse?
Victoria: see question, ask google na. What of your main chick, you no go introduce am to me, make I passmy judgment.
Me: shey na court or you wan start to practice your judgeship?
Victoria: see you, I wan give you wife material you dey form.
Me: why you no give me your home nurse my marry? Well.. I get two main chicks oh! My sister, them wan killme I breathe out sadly
Victoria: Vic, why na? Shey you wan kill yourself, them dey aware say you dey date two of them?
Me: no, maybe tomorrow, you know say na my birthday. I want make you advise me, my sense don dey fade these days.
Victoria: breakup with one and be with the one you lovepass amongst their two, you wan fake your death tomorrow? Or which kind lie you wan talk wey their twono go like spend your birthday with you.
Me: na em be the problem, I love their two equally, them two be complete halves of what every man want in his life.
Victoria: you don lie be that, toto pass toto there is no way you no go love one pass, look deeper you go see the answer.
Me: I nofit breakup with one ’cause my life is on the line, I no be Eminem to put If for die young, I wan be Jay Z so that I go live to enjoy. I cannot break up with the other one ’cause I will feel horrible, she has done a lot for me, hurting her will make me an ingrate and I hate seeing myself as such.
Victoria: na the only advice I get to give you, sorry.
Maybe, smoke weed to get inspiration.
Me: you no well oh! Money don turn your evil sense up side down. Make I dey waka na, since you no get betterthing to tell me.
Victory: so soon, you just dey come now now oh!
Me: you for tell me na, I for carry my bags and mat come live with you.
I stood up and we headed outside seeing lots of servants on my way, the place looks like babes kingdom. She is really enjoying, I wondered why the man spend so much to make her comfortable.
I didn’t want to ask but I will ask, the moment we got closer to my car, I turned to her.
Me: Aunty Vicky no vex oh! Why your husband dey spend so much to make here and you feel like say you dey heaven?
Victoria: you notice, well… Em no go fit born again, na em first and last child. I pity him I entered my car quickly before she will tell me that am the owner of that baby inside the room, I was driving home didn’t know which kingdom the satan is from that asked Biggy to call a peace loving gentleman like me, I picked his phone at the third rang after parking my car at the roadside.
Me: man turkey, how far?
Biggy: Victor, where you dey?
Me: I dey old GRA.
Biggy: thank God, come meet me for Agip bridge, my client wan pay and I want make our two follow.
Me: 50-50, you gree I go come.
Biggy: ahhh! Em too much na, the money na just 500k, if I give you 250k na bad business na.
Me: you no serious, i wan lie down go sleep.
Biggy: no vex, oya come I dey wait for you.I drove to were Biggy is, he hopped in and refused putting me through about the business.
He only told me am to escort and act like a friend who is deaf and dumb, this kind business fear me sha…Following his direction we landed in a club house in a secluded environment, right place to scam someone and get away from it.
I can even bng a girl while he is busy scamming his client.
We came down from the car and headed inside the club house, soft music was playing and the place was scanty, as I could give a head counts of dcks without pssy. I comforted myself with the idea, that it is still early.
Biggy sighted his client and signaled me to follow, we went to were he sat lone watching a male stripper twerk on the pole, I laughed at the foolishness.
At first I thought is a she didn’t know he is he, I mean he he that he a she. He dressed like a shemale without brest, he stared at me and Biggy lustfully I felt uncomfortable but I knew nothing is my business am just a driver to earn 250k.
Biggy: Charles, meet my friend Victor, he is deaf and dumb. meet who?
Charles: he is so cute he stretch his hand for handshake I stretch my own too, he grab my hand and kiss it. I snatched my hand quickly, he rub his lips with his finger and sck it
Biggy: am here now, where is the money?
Charles: let me transfer it right away.
He tapped on his phone, and I started looking around to see if babes have started arriving instead I saw white men arriving with dcks that behaves and dresses like women, fear gripped me.
I signaled Biggy with my eyes that we should start leaving.
Immediately, he received the alert, he got up and dropped his phone on the table.
Biggy: let me get ready for you baby, come meet me in the bathroom Biggy get up and walk away, the idiot spank his nyash, abominable
Charles: after you baby, am coming to smash your a*s and cm inside your tight butthole I nearly throw up Biggy hurried to the restrooms section, while Charles got up lazily taking more peeps from the twerking male.
I felt uncomfortable and nearly threw up, he went after Biggy and I was the only one left on the table. I looked around for babes, I saw men making out, I mean amu to amu doing it, come see fear wey catch me like cold.
A message entered my phone from Biggy.
Biggy: guy fine your level oh, I dey outside as I dey tell you now.I quickly got up and headed to the exit, my heart nearly escaped me when a strong hand grabbed me. I was happy is not Charles, my nyash for hear am today.I smiled sweetly.
Man: I want to smash your ss handsome.
Me: okay, I love you to give it to me outside.
Man: no, I want everyone here to watch see me see wahala, his long dck peep from his zipper, fear catch me
Me: oh! Get your fcking hands off me if you don’t wantit to happen outside.
He held me strongly, I wondered where the strength was coming from he doesn’t look like someone that can fight or even withstand me.
I have heard of extraordinary strength all these homosexual association possess, I tried to get him off me.
He turned me over in a swift and held my belt, I tried to get out of his grasp but his resistance is like pillar of babel.‘biggy aff killed me’.
Man: I love it when I fight for the ss, I will destroy it and pay for the damage only his statement format my brain, I look at the glass door and see Charles searching for me, double wahala for dead body I stopped resisting and he unbuckled my belt, I grabbed his dck and I start jrking it.
Man: do you like it, you want to sck?
Me: yes, I want to have your balls and sweet dck in my mouth.
Man: oohh! Good boy.
He left me and pulled his trouser from his waist completely, I moved my hand slowly down to his sac and cupped his balls.
I slapped it very hard that he groaned in pains, I held my trouser and took off but he grabbed my leg while he was struggling with his pains on the floor.
Charles saw me immediately and started coming to were I am, I kicked him thrice before he left me.
Come see race, I left my car and ran like temple run.
I saw a keke moving towards me, I flagged it down and hopped in at the front and he zoomed off.
I don’t know what kind of turning the keke driver want to do, he ran into range-rover sport with tinted glass, the car was parked by the road and the driver must be inside.
The keke driver took off immediately leaving me at the driver seat, I no waste time I device my level.
Come see race na! My legs were touching the back of my head as I ran leaving the other passengers.
Toto Pass Toto – S01 E58 (Story Episode)
2 years ago
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Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 58
I ran faster than my legs could carry me, I ‘no even believe say I get that kind speed’.
I ran into a street that I don’t even know it’s name or have I been to, I was getting tired and my brain was telling me to stop running.
Immediately I slowed down a dog started barking, another renew energy descend from heaven.
I took off again with higher speed suspecting that it will be one of those dogs that is owned by those rich men that lived in that area.
Until when I heard some kids laughing behind me, I didn’t slow down.
Voices: look at that uncle, he is running from that little puppy I no stop until someone grab my hand, fear catch me, I wan punch the person thinking say na Charles
Biggy: calm down oh! I drop my hand and hiss why you dey run like person wey boko haram, herdsmen and militant dey pursue?
Me: Charles na the boko haram and one stupid keke and the driver be herdsmen, while that dog na the militant. I bend low breathing heavily, my body drench with sweats
Biggy: which dog you dey talk?I looked back properly to see a little dog running towards us barking, it was all my imagination playing tricks on me with the bull-dog barking sound.
I picked a stone and aimed at it, it revised quickly and ran back, I took another one and threw at it and it hit the bumbum of the dog.
The dog ran faster and started crying, probably to his orher mama.
I returned back to see Biggy laughing out his a*s, he sat on the tarred road laughing madly as tears were at the corner of his eyes, he thought the situation is funny.
Me: see, no ever try wetin you try today. The next time you wan go do this kind business, if you remember me, the kind thunder wey go strike you ehnn! he get up andlook around
Biggy: what of your car and that my phone nkor? I hiss
Me: you for dey see obituary poster of me as we dey talk, sas the obituary poster go be ‘his a*s gone so soon’ Biggy start laughing
Biggy: but I tell you say make you twuama na, na Charles catch you.
Me: no, the one wey catch me na very aggressive homo, if no be say I dey on God. I for nofit escape, my mama and papa prayers na em safe me.
Dogs: ho! Hooo! Hoooo!! Hoooooo!!!Biggy and I turned at a time to see numerous dogs running after us, they were not smiling and the growing evening darkness did nothing to conceal their white teeth.
They look hungry and ready to pounce on anybody, Biggy bolted immediately and I ran as I have not done any running that day.
We took many turns till we outran the dogs, when we ran into a safe place that we have great hopes that those stupid dogs won’t find us, we stopped to catch our breathes.
We were already at the major roadside, I raised my head and looked around to see myself in Agip flyover, ‘I feel like to slap Biggy for turning that day to running day for me’ my kneels were aching badly, and my legs wobbled ’cause of weakness.
Biggy: why you no enter keke go house instead of to go disturb small dog wey get position for dog community?Me: I for dey prison or hospital, the idiot keke man jam jeep with tinted glass run leave me as the driver, who knows na army man get that car or worse one ugly richlady.
Biggy: choi.. Your case for don close, ugly people na one of Nigeria economic and political problems.
Me: sas the dog dey rush us, if na armed robbers them no go fit chase them like that oh! Wey my part for the money?
Biggy: hiaa! You dey vex oh! Make we reach house na.
Me: reach which house? Lai.. Lai… I no dey gree, send the money now now.
He hissed and brought out his phone, I received an alertbafter some minutes. I nodded after seeing the money I suffered so much for.
Me: take this car keys, make you and my brother go bring my car. I turned and heard a conductor calling names of streets, he called my destination and I flagged it down.
The driver slowed down the bus, I hurried towards the bus.
Conductor: oga you dey go?
Me: no be why I stop you?
Conductor: em never reach quarrel, sister adjust. Be serious, driver dey go. I haven’t even taken my seat when the bus moved, I lost balance and hugged a girl in the bus with my sweaty body.
Girl: Jesus body odour, oga who send you, you have just dirty me.
Me: no vex, abeg… No vex, na the driver ’cause am.
Every one turned to me, some of them were laughing.
They looked back to see who they were laughing at, it was just two people who took pity as the girl humiliated me.
The stupid danfo driver was busy hitting old songs, as the trembling bus was bouncing along with every beats. I even feared for my soul, luckily for me I got to my junction and took a taxi home.
Immediately I got into my apartment, I entered the shower and had a cool bath, I slept off afterwards. I was surprised to receive kiss on my lips, I woke up and saw Beauty smiling down at me. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I rubbed it twice before I mumbled good morning.
Beauty: happy birthday, my love.
Me: thanks, baby. You are very early she squeeze her face
Beauty: is eleven a.m, honey she look at me suspiciously hold on, who were you with last night?ajuju
Me: Biggy took me to a party and got me drunk.
Beauty: God! What a friend, stay away from him already, look I got you a new phone, I will be rushing offto the market to get ingredients to cook for you abeg oh! No cook for me
Me: I smile, na only you go chop am thanks, honey.
Beauty: anything for my love naso Beauty carry her wahala waka I saw the package she dropped, it was the trending i-phone, I’d have been happy about the gift but today was a bad news for me. I switched on my data and messages from family and friends started flooding in, text messages from Abigail and from Beauty also and other friends. I didn’t bother reading them, my mind was on my facebook.
I went to whatsapp and both my lovely girlfriends have my picture as their profile picture, I smiled to myself am a lucky dude, I never reach man. I logged into my facebook and my heart started loading too, at my facebook news feed is me and Abigail in a romantic position, she tagged me and wrote sweet things on it.
While Beauty own was the worse, the picture she uploaded can make someone cm, she wore a bumshort and I was shirtless, she only wore what covered her b***s everything was on full display, I couldn’t even remember when we took those pictures she is uploading.
And she tagged me, I was very worried about both of them seeing these pictures, the likes was over 5k. I meant the one Beauty uploaded, Abigail’s own was justover 3k, I wasn’t pleased at all.
I sat on the bed thinking, am confused.
I didn’t know when Beauty came back, i started hearing sounds of plate. I got up from the bed and went to brush my teeth, I had my bath and returned to the kitchen.
She was preparing egusi soup with meats and fishes everywhere, this egusi soup again.
The aroma was nice, I strategize a plan for Beauty and Ito leave the house.
I will seduce her and the food will get burnt, then both of us will leave the house happy ending, my dck rose in my boxer.
I walked to the kitchen and hugged her from behind and placed my hard on, on her ss. I kissed her neck and scked on her ear, she let out a man.
Beauty: naughty boy, am cooking.
Me: don’t say no, I missed you so much. I cannot wait to have you. I whispered those words and grabbed her brasts from behind, she turned and kissed me, I sweep her off the floor into my arms and carried her to the bed.She wore a bumshort that has army design, with white shirt.
She took off her shirt and we resumed the kissing, I unclasped her br and it dropped on the bed.
I wanted the food to get burnt, so I quickly placed my mouth on her npples.
We were both lost in our sxual world, but a voice brought me back and a sound of something dropped behind us.
I looked back and saw Abigail in tears with a big cake scattered on the floor, I was shocked but Beauty was surprised.
Abigail: Vic…
I was like someone who was asked to stab himself with knife and a gun was pointed at me if I don’t, I will be shot. I stared at Abigail who stood helplessly crying, Beauty stared at me and Abigail in confusion.
Half of my heart cried out and ran away, I couldn’t go after her ’cause another half of my heart is here. Abigail ‘na half of my heart wey run’, I sat on the bed weakly, Beauty knelt on the bed her arms akimbo, she glared at me murderously.
Beauty: are you cheating on me with that?
Me: am sorr…. A very hot slap I mean hot like hot water landed on my left cheek, and I started seeing metaphysical stars. I laid flat on the bed covering my left cheek with the other of my palm.
She looked mean, she picked her br and clasped it behind and wore her clothe.
Beauty: I don’t want to ever see your cheating self close to me again, or I will kill you! she scream like a mad ladyI shifted a way in freight, I have started memorizing all those karate moves I watched in movies in case she tried to stab me with knife, she hissed and took her handbag and cat-walked out of my room,I stood up and tip-toed to the kitchen to make sure she is gone. I saw the pot of soup boiling on the gas cooker, I brought it done first. I went out of the kitchen to the verandah and locked the protector. I knew the chapter of Beauty has closed in my life, she isn’t the type that jokes with words.
The thought of Abigail made me cry…
Me: I be man, I no go cry hot tears start coming out my eyes I saw the big cake on the floor that the shape has already been destroyed, beside it is a medical report.
I picked it up and read it to find out that I have an unborn child.
Me: I be person papa I scream happily, falling on the bed I rolled on the bed rejoicing until I realized I just shattered my unborn baby’s mother’s heart.
I grabbed my phone, I didn’t want to call her ’cause she won’t pick my call, I decided a text will be better. I will not include the child so that she will not feel like I only care about the baby.
Me: am be your mad lover Abigail I mumble to myself I started punching the keyboard in my phone’s screen ‘I know am not worthy of your love, am a foolish lover, an idiot. Person wey brain empty, I know you are angry but whenever you smile, the heaven’s bless the innocent.
I didn’t mean to hurt you, am the biggest foolish fool on Earth to loose a rare jewel like you, I was dating Beauty before I met and fell in love with you and my legs come break scatter inside the love, I couldn’t breakup with her ’cause she threatened to kill me and I don’t want to loose you, I hope you forgive me. I never took you for a fool, I always and always love you. Amongst the billion lies I told you, this is just the only truth, believe me I will continually beg for your forgiveness till I die’After I was done with typing the message, I sent it and waited for it. The message was delivered and I exhaled happily, I had nothing to do.
I cleaned up the mess in my room and went to make garri for myself, one mind was telling me not to eat the soup that Beauty cooked.
She might have dropped some poison inside before sheleft my apartment.
I took one meat in the soup and exit the house, there is this dog owned by our caretaker.
He kept it in the cage at the back of the flats, the dog is always quiet you will hardly know if there is dog in the compound ’cause she only barks when she is hungry that is all, ‘after food the dog dey mind em business’. I got to it cage and eyed the meat I held, I cut it by two.
The meat is too much for the dog, the dog sat at the edge of the cage looking at me with her tongue dancing in her open mouth.
I looked left and right to check if the coast is clear, I threw the cut piece of meat inside the cage.
The dog stared at it and smelt it and went back to it majestical position, I waited and the stupid dog also waited for me to throw the other piece, ‘which kind dog be this? Na human being be this oh!’I gave it the other piece swearing for the stupid dog.
It repeated the same action and sat back staring at me,licking it mouth.
I waited for more minutes and the dog maintained it position, I decided more meats will do the trick.
I went back to the room and carried two big pieces of meats with bones and returned to the cage with it, I threw one it didn’t move.
Immediately I threw the other one, it stood up and started feasting on the other meats I threw earlier, making some funny sounds as she enjoyed the meat.
Me: do die abeg. I left that place angrily and went inside my room, I sat for ten minutes.
I came out of my room and met sister Mary coming inside the yard, I behaved like I saw nobody and tried to check on the dog.
Mary: Vic, you no see me?
Me: oh! You sabi my name, no vex… Separate Paul from Barnabas, light and darkness have nothing in common,no call my name again.
Mary: ah! Ahh! You still dey vex for wetin I do you the other time.
Me: no call my name again I walk away
Mary: you sabi vex oh! I for like make you give me something.
Me: go meet your pastor. I took a turn and headed to the cage, I met the dog sitting down.
Immediately the dog saw me, it started licking it mouth.
Me: so you no die!The dog was sad when it didn’t see me with more meats, I gave it a very bad look that the dog behave herself.
Me: you think say na me get you?I hissed and walked away, I started hearing voices inside my room and my car parked inside the compound.
I entered my apartment and couldn’t find the bowl of garri I made, I opened the soup and it looked like someone has disvirgin the innocency of the pot of the soup with brutal rape.I entered my bedroom and met Biggy with my twin brother swallowing seriously with different plates of soup, I started crying.
I didn’t even know why I was crying, after Biggy swallowed the last morsel and there is no trace of garri inside the bowl.
Victory: happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you.
Biggy: how old are you now? How many years you don reach?
Me: ona two don mad!!I hissed and went inside the kitchen to boil hot water, I poured water inside the kettle and placed it on the fire.
Biggy and Victory came out of the room.
Biggy: birthday boy, enjoy yourself.
Victory: the celebrant, that soup sweet oh!
They left afterwards and I made garri for myself, I boiled the soup again.
I dished for myself and settled with it, I first put my finger and tasted the soup, it taste great.
Me: she learnt how to cook for my sake I feel horrible for disappointing Beauty*I put my emotion on checks and devoured the food, drank a cup of water and returned back to my bed. I slept off, someone woke me up pointing a gun at me.
Me: sir…. Sir… Please, don’t kill me.
Man: shut up! Beauty said I should kill you.
He pulled the trigger and shot me twice in the stomach.
Me: Jehovah Nissy!I woke up immediately and moved my hand slowly to my stomach to confirm if it is just a dream.
Me: the gate of hell shall not prevail, I never reach to die.
I got up from my bed and washed my face, used my powder and dressed up.
I put some money in my pocket then bolted my door, I stared at my car contemplating if I should take it or not it was evening already, as the sun have deserted the sky and darkness gaining grounds.
I decided not to before Beauty will request for it and ‘I go come back empty handed, mbanu!’. I walked out of the gate after answering Musa greetings and boarded avehicle.
I reached Beauty’s house and knocked at the gate, the gateman came out closing the gate behind him forming a blockade.
Gateman: yes, how may I help you?
Me: your madam dey houseGateman: she nodey abeg.
Me: abeg na, I wan see am. Na matter of life and death.
Gateman: na who dey die and na who get the life?
Me: okay, oya collect I squeeze two thousand naira inside his palm and he smile
Gateman: you be life saver, my man!
Me: open gate my enter, I wan see her.
Gateman: she no dey oh! She and small aunty wey sabi ask question well well don travel since morning.
Me: you dey whine me bah?
Gateman: enter check.
I entered inside the compound, I sighted from the security post that all the lights in the house were switched off.‘I don go waste 2k’
Me: she talk where she wan go?
Gateman: them wan go back to America.
Me: you try, but I suppose get change as I no see her na.
Gateman: the money na for all the spits I waste, em nodey easy to talk na. I was very happy that I went home as a happy man, at least she has moved on and there is no way she will return all the way from abroad to ‘come kpai person for Naija’I reached home and had a wonderful night, I woke up very early and came online on whatsapp.
Abigail had blocked me but Beauty was online, I decided to video call her to at least apologise and wish her well.
The video connected and she accepted, I saw her on the bed and beside her is a white man both of them aresmiling like double mumu.
She turned to the man and both of them shared kiss, I just nodded enjoying their stupidity.‘Me that is happy’. I feigned anger sha…
At least I sabi act.
Beauty: how may I help you?
White man: is he from Nigeria, I heard they are assholes!I ended the video call and flung the phone away, I laid on the bed helplessly, I couldn’t even go to work ’cause I was weak and tired of my life.
I slept again, I felt a soft touch on my back and I stirred up looking at the person that woke me up, I yawned and rubbed my eyes.
Me: is a lie!Is my mind playing truth and dare with em papa, I rushed to the bathroom and washed my face.I returned and met Abigail smiling, I couldn’t believe myeyes.
I knelt down and tears rolling down my eyes effortlessly, me that nollywood suppose employ.
Abigail: don’t start, I have forgiven you after I read your message. I can’t allow my baby to be separated from his father all in the sake of he hurts me who tell this one say na he, me wey score the goal know say na girl
Me: am sorry love, just give me this chance I will make things right, will you marry me?
Abigail: naso them dey propose for ona village without ring? I laughed and went inside my wardrobe and brought out the ring box, I brought out the ring and knelt with one leg and positioned the other one as a man to be.
Me: Abby, the very moment I saw you, I knew you were my missing rib, complete me by taking this ring and become Mrs Victor.
Abigail: no joor! This one na the most unromantic proposal in history.
After all the shakara the ring still entered her hand, the wedding preparation was very sharp as we quickly rushed down to Abigail’s home town and paid for her bride price, my family and Victoria were solidly behind me as they keep showering me with cash and their time.
She complained at the pace that I was going, that I didn’t even give her chance to think.‘I wonder wetin she wan think oh!’Invitation cards were printed and circulated to reasonable human beings that will bring gifts rather than spoons and stomach.
We scheduled a week for the marriage after I paid the bride price, we didn’t even meet each other, we only had to talk on phone as the wedding preparation was taking all our time.
Few days to our wedding I met with the district pastor so that I can get marriage certificate and do some church decoration.
The pastor in his good faith tour me around the church premises pointing to places that needed immediate attention so that our visiting friends will feel at home inthe house of God.
After we are done, we went to his office, he brought out a long list were he has cost all the prices.
The pastor in particular doesn’t like me ’cause my church going is like once in a year or twice, so the man want my settle all the tithe and offerings I dey owe God.
Me: you wan invite Jesus? I glance at the list once again, the money no get joy
Pastor: yes ofcourse, he will be there. There is not too much money there, you can do it! I believe you now have a good job. I wan beat the man, em get luck say na pastor
Me: you go do something for me.
Pastor: what is that?
Me: you know that wedding statement “if you don’t want this two to be join in holy matrimony raise up your hand or for ever remain silent” abeg delete am that day.
Pastor: there is no problem.
I got up and left his office, I was about entering my car when my phone rang in my pocket and the caller was saved ‘my wife and heart’.
Me: my love, I nofit wait for our honey moon!
Abigail: that is all you know, honey moon honey moon. If I open your head now, I will only find several ways of shifting pant. Have you ask of your baby
Me: you harsh oh! No vex, how is my baby? Hope he is kicking hard like her daddy, is she crying? Have she eaten? Hope you b****t feed her? I like my baby girl fat so that boys will see her and run!
Abigail: Vic, you be really fake husband material, commot from my line joor! She ended the call, all these shakara she haven’t even given birth. Pregnant women take life too seriously, I invited Victory and Biggy to my house for the reception preparation and some security reasons.
Biggy: na me go invite the DJ wey go play song for your reception.
Me: who and you? When you do your wedding you invite DJ. Your work na to arrange person wey go scatter food everywhere.
Victory: Biggy na your best man?
Make ona no go scatter church that day oh!
Me: you go help me do something, arrange bouncers wey huge and tall, so that them go drag any fool wey wan mess with the wedding outside.
Victory: I think say you don ask pastor to commot that question.
Me: I don do am, but I no trust that man at all.A day to the wedding, we did a mini-bachelor party, my male friends came around with their babes and have their best night. I make sure Biggy and I didn’t take any drink, some girls were making advances but I wasn’t interested. I was surprised to receive a call from Beauty.
Beauty: am outside your house the thing surprise me how she take get my new residence address I dragged Biggy along, he is my best man so anywhere I am so shall he be. I warned Abigail not to upload our pre-wedding pictures online, she refused and went ahead doing so. Pregnant women stubborn oh! Biggy and I came out and saw her car, she flashed the headlights for us to know she is inside.
We walked to her car, I stood at the car’s door and Biggy stood some distance away giving us space.
Beauty: you are getting marry tomorrow, right? I nod Vic, am sorry I still love you I feel like slapping her
Me: I don’t deserve your love, give it to someone else.
Abigail: no no… There is no one like you out there, I wasblind to let you go, I know you still love me. Cancel the wedding and we will marry right away, I will sponsor everything. Am sorry, I cannot get over you.
Me: go and marry your white man, am sorry. I walked away ignoring her as she yelled my name and also came out of the car, I ran inside and jammed the gate closed. I felt very unsafe, so I went inside and slept.
The next day was my wedding, those who were appointed to give us the best look attended to us, the groom’s fans and family that are men were on white.
That day was men on white, Biggy was just smiling anyhow as if he is the one doing the wedding, I couldn’tbelieve my eyes but it actually happened sha… Sandra and Biggy were back together with new kind of love.
I stationed the bouncers on the gate not to allow anyone on the pictures that I gave to them in, I gave them all the pictures of my ex girlfriends and the ones I also knack and clean mouth, I asked them to direct them to the reception were they will eat.
Bouncers were positioned in the church too, in case anybody want to show herself that the marriage is not met to be, them go bounce am outside.
My bride appeared in the church looking hot and sexy,We took the wedding vows and the pastor asked the question I told him not to, my mind fly sha… But everything was under control ’cause there is no one to stop it.
We moved to the reception Beauty was present, she was mad at me for not letting her into the church and I apologised.
We took the stage and Biggy went mad with dance, he was dancing like the groom.
Me: guy, dance small small no be you dey do the wedding.
Biggy: I dey happy for you, follow me shake body.
Me: I know say you dey happy for me, no dance pass me.
He didn’t listen, I set a leg for him and he fell that is how he calm down.
The wedding was wrapped up and Abigail n’ I left the country for our honeymoon, we never did anything we were busy arguing the gender of the unborn child or thenames they should be given to.
We spent quality time together and she was due for birth, we returned to the country.
The day she is ready to give birth, I took her to the hospital and waited for the result.
The doctor came out and I ran after him, while my brother and Biggy were asleep on the chair.
Me: doctor, how far?
Doctor: congratulations mr. Victor, your wife gave birth to twin bouncing baby boys.
Me: mad oh!!
THE END.
Nice story