On the 20th of this month, I got awoken by a brutal knock on my door. The knocker wouldn’t state who they were and wouldn’t stop knocking violently either, even though I just woken up, I had a gut feeling that something bad was absolutely going to happen.
I had just gotten a fresh stash of MJ earlier in the week and it was proudly sitting on my center table. I immediately grabbed it and wrapped it in my blanket before I went to get the door.
My fears were confirmed when 5 fully kitted NDLEA officers pushed me back in, demanding that I bring it out, I didn’t need a soothsayer to inform me that I was so screwed but as a bad guy, I feigned ignorance.
That didn’t stop them from wrecking my room thoroughly until they found my weed stash, two sweet slaps landed on both my cheeks, still they never stopped searching until my house was looking like a hurricane ran through. Not even my food items were spared.
When they were satisfied, handcuff landed on my wrists as I was led out after being allowed to put on trousers and a T-shirt.
My neighbor Hood choke as everyone wanted to see who the unlucky scapegoat was. The walk of shame was unbearable, I could see my neighbors gasping in horror, I am probably the most snobbish dude around, I do mind my business to a total dot, I don’t roll with area folks, I hardly laugh with anybody except you find favour in my eyes, I keep to myself, hence I was arrested alone.
Two brothers were picked up from a hotel nearby before we arrived at their holding facility. It all felt like a dream until we were flung into a rather large cell which had approximately eight other guys, the Jail ‘Presido’ as he was referred to had an amputated left arm.
As per ‘comrades in ‘Igboh’, we were asked reasons for being there and spent some minutes getting to know ourselves. A rural leader’s son was there also, dude was blowing dope and strolling on the road when he was accosted. The Presido asked us to feel welcomed and gave us some tips on what to do next in order to be freed quickly.
The cell is a hundred times better than that of a Police station, there was a small short rug carpet where the Presido and his vice sat or laid, another big mat contained the others, we the new entrants had to manage bare floor. Thankfully there were no bed bugs or insects, and the stink wasn’t too bad, a plastic bucket was placed at one corner for urine collection. The only time the place smelled would be when someone wanted to take a leak and uncover the bucket. Damn.
We the new comers were taken out to write down statements and call who would come bail us. I placed three calls to sure contacts but the major thing on my mind was how to drop update on my story thread, unfortunately my big phone was seized, so I had to manage the small one for calls, the phone had to be on speaker phone so that the officers could hear what ever was being communicated.
Unluckily, no one came for me that day, I was hungry like mad but I lacked appetite until I gave up hope and managed to partake in somebody’s food after the Presido asked me to join the person.
As the Presido, any food that was brought for any of the inmates, he had the first choice of either partaking or taking which ever part of the food or drink before the owner of the food eats.
Before nightfall, five more guys were arrested, everywhere became congested. The way I laid down, I couldn’t even turn or stretch my legs because I’ll touch someone, somebody’s legs were next to my head, my eyes were open all night long cause the leg kept falling on my head, damn it was dreadful, that was my first night in jail since I was born, I truly hated myself.
Next day, one of my called contacts arrived and started negotiations, I wasn’t privy to how much was discussed, I was only brought out so he could identify me before I was taken back to cell.
While he went to source for funds, the second contact I called arrived and promptly told them that my folks were in town, me wey write for statement say my people don park go back village, Choi naso matter wear Mini skirt.
They collected my dad’s number and called him, not before mercilessly kicking my a*s for writing false statement. My dad wasn’t even In town that day but he promised to be back the next day.
The first contact was called to abort his fund raising mission because my dad took over the case. Naso my supposed one night turned to two nights.
On the third day my dad arrived and completely refueled the situation, he was expectedly very mad at me and fully committed me into their hands.
Matured man like me, I was being dragged from one office to another like generator rope, kneeling down and being trampled around like I robbed CBN.
My folks left without so much as a word to me. When I was thrown back to cell, the other guys were shocked to see me return, they couldn’t believe that I wasn’t freed yet. I didn’t mind either, I had grown quite fond of the cell because food choke die, and I was already up to the position of vice Presido, the current Presido had only one leg, the former one was bailed out that morning.
Those NDLEA officers are raking in cash like crazy, the lowest bail collected per head was 15k, and that’s if your folks know how to negotiate well, if you fall maga, them go collect you.
One G-boy that was caught with his babe shelled out 50k without complaining despite the fact that no single exhibit was found on him, he managed to throw away what he had on him before he was apprehended, but he still paid nonetheless.
My dad returned a day later with a new pair of clothing for me, I was glad I’ll finally be out, he informed me that he’ll be right back. Hahahahaha. I saw him two days later, Right back my foot, that man left back me, he simply paid for someone to bring me food twice a day.
Nobody spent more than 2-3 days there, if you did, then probability is that you’ll be sent to Maximum prison in the state capital.
My hair that I have never completely cut since 2010 was ravaged with scissors, that was the first time scissors was touching my hair too, I still received 12 scintillating lashes on my back as payment for the dreadful haircut, I swear two drops of tears comot from my eyes, tears I never knew still existed, strong man in the trenches.
One of the officers really helped me, he was charging my small phone and taking my calls while passing me information when he could. We were allowed a phone call per day and toilet section only in the morning, afterwards, you’re OYO.
To cut long story short, I finally became the only person left in the Cell, naso I became king for my lane, I was miserable, I’ll spend all day singing to myself and rethinking about everything I could think off. I managed to remove a nail from the ceiling (don’t ask me how, spider Man movies no be lie), and proceeded to inscribe my name on the wall of Fame which contained dozens of other names, I never shy away from adding “Fรผรงk NDLEA” any chance I got.
The officer that was charging my phone became concerned after awhile when he realized that I wasn’t leaving there soon, I pleaded that he helped sign my undertaking letter to get me out, he agreed but informed me after enquires from his superiors that I was slated to remain there for atleast two months to recover completely. My folks felt that was the right decision for me.
Nobody asked for my consent, I was treated like a three year old, see old man like me dey knee down up and down.
When I got to know my dire situation, I faked an immediate Malaria syndrome, I threw up at a moment’s notice and grabbed my head while rolling and shivering like an epileptic patient. That got their attention. Before then I only had opportunity to bathe once every two days cause I was allowed out by 6am everyday just to either sweep offices and pour out the bucket used for urine collection or use the latrine.
But due to my supposed condition, hot water was heated and I was even given Dettol soap to bathe with, the officers even bought more food for me and I was allowed to sleep in their boss office.
My folks were called and everything were signed, even though I still sorted out my bail money myself. Atleast I don comot.
Anyway I’m back to my parent’s house. Back to square one, my properties were either sold, given out while few were returned back to my parent’s house.
Heck I was smiling that no one touched my PlayStation, atleast I can continue my rehab at home while gaming all day long and eating mercilessly.
The down side is that, I’m being treated like a drug junkie, all my accounts have been seized and I’m only given money for specific things. Nothing spoil Sha, atleast I’ll use this as a motivation to stop cruise.
I spent approximately seven days there, I swear it felt like 700 years….
God no go shame us ๐๐
ยฉ Rock555
Nice