I ENTICED MY FIANCÉ WITH CHARMS
I tried closing my eyes that night after that heart breaking discovery with a hope of falling asleep and forgetting everything I read and saw. But like the Bible says, there is no sleep for the wicked.
I rolled on my tummy like a lady on her menses trying to just find some sense of relief but all was in vain as I couldn’t find any sleep. I tried not thinking about it, but it kept on replaying like a song stuck in one’s head. Did I deserve I it? I began to question myself.
Growing up I told myself that the only time I’d lose my virginity was if I found a man I loved. I loved Mark the very first day he spoke to me. Was that too early? Did I put myself in this predicament? Why did Mark whisper all those flattering words into my ear if he didn’t love me too? Was he just trying to feed his starving penis? Did I signal him? Did he even mean those words or it was just a gateway to penetrating my innocence?
I was subjected to ridicule and bullying way too many times in my last year of high school. So when I enrolled into varsity, I swore that I wouldn’t let anyone make me feel bad and get away with it. Could it have been the reason I went to that length with Mark? He didn’t just hurt me, he took my virginity, my innocence and ghosted me. I was shaken to the core but he didn’t care.
The thoughts continued to linger, they got way louder that I had to leave the bed. I swiftly ran into the bathroom, I cried so many tears of regrets. Regrets of going to that party and meeting Mark. Regrets of losing my virginity to him, and regrets of going to the extent of using charms on him. I cried to God but he seemed far away because the evil I had done was still in me and kept pushing me to do more evil.
After spending 30 minutes on the bathroom floor, I went back to the bedroom where Mark was dead asleep. I looked at him with disgust and pity. I questioned his infidelity, I wondered why he slept with me at the party knowing very well he had a wife and kids. I couldn’t bring myself to understand. I thought of the little twins who were innocently being punished because of their fathers inability to control his sexual desire and my heart hurt for them.
The next morning I decided not to iterate the charms because I was still sick to my stomach over the previous night’s incident. I didn’t give a slight care about losing Mark or not, I just didn’t want to feed my body more evil. I had caused enough havoc as it was and God knows, my soul couldn’t fathom any of it again.
I stayed in bed the whole day with nothing but lingering thoughts and darkness creeping over my head while Mark was at work. I thought of responding to the texts from Mark’s so called “wife” a lot of times but I stopped myself before I could tap send. I finally got myself do it after a millennium of thinking whether to or not.
I told her the truth, the truth that i didn’t know she existed until yesterday when I read the messages. “There was never a time Mark mentioned you or the children in any conversation” I wrote. It took at least 30 minutes to get a response but once I finally did, she wrote, “All I’m begging from you and Mark is financial help for my children. You can have Mark but just help me support my babies”. It broke my heart even more cause I was certain she thought I was a husband snatcher. I couldn’t blame her though.
Mark didn’t come home for lunch that noon, I didn’t care to check up on him because I was dealing with things that were killing me. I kept wanting to pray but I was failing, thinking I was unworthy to talk to God. The desire to pray got more intense, I ended up getting my Bible and started praying. I didn’t realize how long I had been praying until I opened my eyes and noticed an hour had gone by. After the prayer, I decided to get rid of the charms. I burnt them and proceeded to pray again. There was so much light in me after that and it was just what I needed.
Mark had neither texted nor called me, it bothered me a bit cause I still loved him but I had to train my heart to forget him so I blocked his number. The last time he spoke to me was before he left for work. It was hard not to think about him but I kept begging myself not to disturb him. I kept myself occupied by Gospel music but it wasn’t enough to completely eradicate Mark from my mind. Anyway, I kept on listening until I fell asleep.
While asleep, I could hear the sound of my ringtone repeatedly but my exhausted body was overwhelmed with sleep. It kept on ringing until I woke up and picked the phone. It was a strange number that had left me over 9 missed calls. Immediately, I called back and a female answered. “Hello Tina, this is Dr Susan. I’m calling you from Levy Mwanawasa hospital. There’s been an accident”. My heart almost bursted when I heard “accident”. I hoped it wasn’t my family involved. She went on to say it was a man identified as Mark Phiri involved in the accident. My jaw dropped and my heart froze.
I didn’t know what to do but I rushed to the hospital with a heart full of worry. When I got there, I asked for Dr Susan, and luckily she was just around the entrance.
“Are you Mr Mark’s wife?” She asked me. “We are just engaged and not married” I said. She told me Mark kept yelling out “Sarah, Sarah my wife”. It instantly clicked, the username on the Facebook account was Sarah and that meant Mark was actually calling out for his wife and not me.
Baffled and shocked, I ran off from the hospital with tears running down. Mark was on his death bed and the only name he remembered to call was Sarah. It hurt me but I kept on. Apparently, the only reason the Dr called me was cause I was the only one saved as “My love” on his recent dial hence she thought I was the “wife”.
When I headed back home, I kept praying to God to help me get rid of those feelings. I somehow got the strength and courage to get my phone and text Sarah, I told her about the accident and how Mark kept hollering her name. I told her I was done with him and would never bother him or her ever again. It felt like the right thing to do. The man was calling for his wife, she must have flashed before his eyes because that was his true love and that’s something the charm couldn’t take away.
A month later, I received a call from an unknown number. When I picked up, it was Mark and Sarah on the phone. Mark recounted the night at the party and apologized for ever letting it happen. He explained that he had gotten into a fight with Sarah that night over his temper. He added that it was the reason he went to the party which his buddies invited him to. He said he just wanted to blow off steam and forget the fight with his wife but instead, he ended up committing infidelity. He begged me to forgive him. Honestly, It wasn’t the apology I needed because I forgave him that night I passed him back to his wife.
It felt good knowing I had done the right thing by letting go of Mark and restoring his family’s joy. A couple months later, My life looked brighter. The God in me was back, I got my dream job and I was finally getting over Mark. I gave up evil for good and it felt so good. My conscience couldn’t let me languish in evil and like the saying goes, the good will certainly always conquer evil.