Long-distance relationships in my view could be likened to being a night crawler in a place like Nigeria. It predisposes you to security risks. If you don’t get mugged by some miscreants, kidnappers might grab you for Christmas, a ritualist in need of a fresh human head or some unscrupulous police officers might take advantage of you. You also stand a good chance of being lynched in the event of a false accusation by an angry mob. So in light of these potential risks, it is advisable to stay safe and stop the late-night parades.
This article will focus on romantic relationships (not marriages) across international boundaries. Below are some of the reasons why the writer frowns at long-distance relationships:
(1) Infidelity:
Long-distance relationships are prone to infidelity and both parties are guilty. Nowadays, women hate to put their eggs in one basket to widen their options. Also, men want to taste different pots of soup. This mentality is strengthened in a long-distance situation.
(2) Too expensive:
A long-distance relationship is unnecessarily costly. Most times, one party becomes a burden to the other. With the economy of Nigeria haplessly bleeding to death like a Christmas chicken, the party abroad will lose his spinal cord carrying the burden of the other.
(3) It could be chaotic:
Due to trust issues associated with lack of physical access to each other, trust issues develop and anxiety escalates. This inevitably leads to regular relationship squabbles and arguments. Subsequently, the relationship might die off with one party, mostly the males losing out.
(4) Acute sexual hunger (Konji):
A long-distance relationship without the equitable distribution of visas is like frying pieces of chicken/turkey while fasting. It intensifies your hunger. I don’t also believe it is honourable for you to touch yourself lol.
(5) Conflicting realities:
This factor arises when a party is in a first-world country while the other is holed up in a third-world country like Nigeria. Views, perspectives, plans, and projections begin to fail to align. This leads to confusion and frustration till the inevitable – a break-up happens.
(6) Loneliness:
Life abroad is lonely and too busy. It seemingly appears nobody cares about you. People associate with each other on a need-led basis. Most times, the ones who check up on you more are the Nigerians back home which will come at a cost at the end of the month (billing). Bachelors/spinsters tend to feel the heat of loneliness the more. Oftentimes, phone conversations are not effective enough.
(7) Vulnerability:
Sexual starvation known by the street lingo as ‘konji’, makes people vulnerable. The feeling is worse abroad where women wear anything in public places. Even if you have toys, it is still not the real thing. In most cases, partners especially the females get taken advantage of by their so-called ‘besties’. Besties are known to hover around their female prey like a hawk stalking the chicks.
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Dashed hopes:
Life abroad is mostly unpredictable. There is a high possibility that things will always not go as planned. It is hard for an immigrant who is on shaky legs to pull someone out of a pit to join him abroad. It is better to deal with a more settled person with papers than someone who survives on you like a bed bug.
Long-distance relationships do succeed, but from my experience, it is like gambling. With concerted and sustained efforts, you can get a high-flying decent person abroad to settle down with. This is far safer than banking on a ‘UAR’ woman exhibiting some hanky-panky with perceived innocence.
Written by a UK-based Nigerian Journalist and Psychologist, Osahon George Osayimwen
